The 5 Horrifying But FREEING Stages Of A Breakup

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gigi hadid

#Dumped #Blessed

We've all been there. Your texts slowly go unanswered. Your sexy Saturday night Snapchats are no longer gaining a positive reaction. You feel like you're clinging onto something that used to make you so happy, but now leaves you in utter distress and perpetual anxiety. You get dumped, and your drunk texts are no longer cute.

Fortunately, what you haven't realized until now, being heartbroken is the greatest thing to ever happen to you.

1. "We need to talk"

*Cue Jaws theme music* Let's be realistic, you knew this was coming for a while. Things have been weird, something happened where everything has changed, we've heard all of the issues. Yet, in some way, you feel this odd relief.

You've been complaining to your friends about how you're not getting any answers to what's going on between you two and you feel the bitter end approaching but have been holding on for dear life. Once it's finally ended, you can cry and be as upset as you want, but understand that you will no longer feel that pit in your stomach when his name pops up on your phone as you waited for two hours for him to respond.

You won't have the feeling of "I'm just clinging onto something that isn't lasting." It's done. It's over. The hype of the pain you'll feel when you rip that band-aid off is gone. It's ripped off, not as bad as you thought, and the sting only lasts for a little.

2. Recovery

Okay, so this part honestly does suck. You evaluate your entire life decisions, pick at every single one of your flaws, cry to your best guy friend with endless self-pity, rebound with someone you definitely don't want to rebound with. You feel this wave of emotions and get that disgusting feeling knowing he's loving his rebounds and you're not. You try avoiding the sadness and fully repress them.

Stop. That is just so unhealthy. It's perfectly okay to cope and grieve over either six months or six years of happiness. The "shoulda, coulda, wouldas" that you keep thinking would not have fixed anything. He didn't love you for you, and that's perfectly okay.

But after a period of time, you need to understand some extremely important things.

3. Being Dumped. Freaking. Rocks.

Of course, this is based on normal and healthy relationships that just didn't work out. However, if you're one of those girls whose boyfriend ripped her to shreds before ripping her heart out, this is definitely applicable.

Why would you want to continue associating yourself with someone who let the relationship linger when he knew he was going to end it soon? Remember that feeling towards the end we were talking about before? Why would you even put yourself through that.

No, do not sit here and think "I wish I dumped him first." That's the worst thing to think. Let him dump you! Let this make you realize that this fantasy you had about the two of you was not real. It's a wake up call.

4. Learning experience

Being heartbroken is all a part of growing up. Even if you're in your 30s and your mom is demanding you bring a nice man home so she can raise your grandkids, why would you want to bring this guy home after he broke your heart? He taught you so many things about yourself, the good and the bad, and you can learn from it.

We get it, hearing the "it'll make you stronger, you're better than him" spiel is just old and unhelpful. It's also just not true; sure you're going to grow and learn from it. But the phrase "better than" is unhealthy. He is not better than you, you are not better than him. You're just not each other's type. It's that simple.

Why would you want to marry someone that doesn't want to marry you? Stop lingering on those toxic thoughts of "If I were thinner, if I were taller…" Looks fade, and so will his future relationships if he bases everything off of vanity.

5. You're not meant for each other. 

If he had been "the one" then you would have had three kids in your suburban home outside of a cosmopolitan area by now. You are amazing inside and out, he is amazing inside and out, but you are not amazing for each other.

You're not going to be everyone's type, you're not going to love people who love you, and people won't love you just because you love them. You can sit there and talk about how awful he is because you're right! He is awful! But awful for you. To other women, he's the man of their dreams. To his future wife, they will be happy together because they were meant to be together.

You are finally released from this threshold of broken promises and unreal expectations.

A heartbreak shouldn't be as bad as it sounds, it should be a learning experience, a time for you to finally grow up, mature, and love yourself.

This article was originally published at Guest of a Guest. Reprinted with permission from the author.


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