A man's mind is a complex thing, especially while jerking off.
Sometimes there's a party in your pants, and you're the only one who RSVPs. There's no shame in that — it just means you have the entire restaurant to yourself.
Sure, nothing beats the real thing, but the benefit of going on a date with Handgelina Jolie is that the experience is whatever you make of it.
You ladies have the benefit of the finest scientific minds coming together to create instruments of sex that are designed to curl your toes and f*ck the thoughts right out of your body.
We have to be a little more creative:
1. The Old Reliable
"Wait, you know the internet exists, right? And all the porn on it is free? I can't remember the last time I thought about anything other than what site I was going to visit.
I don't care how good your imagination is — HD video is better. Can you fantasize in 1080p? I have a handful of go-to sites that I browse until something catches my eye. Nothing too crazy, but I like to explore what's out there when I get bored of the more vanilla stuff."
2. The Spank Bank
"I basically have a bank of memories from my favorite experiences that I draw on. It ranges from my first time, to my current girlfriend, and even some exes. Essentially, anything from the past in fair game.
It can also be a fantasy scenario with someone I ran into earlier in the day or a crush. Then it's just a generic fantasy scenario kind of thing."
3. The A-List
"Celeb fantasies all the way. Like, what's the point of thinking about anything else besides the cream of the genetic crop? I'm more concerned that people aren't just always thinking about Beyoncé when they jack it.
Sometimes I like to imagine I'm the guy in a famous sex scene. No, I'm not going to reveal which movies. I also think of running into them in real life and seducing them."
4. The Combo Pack
"Usually if I'm not already super aroused I'll look at porn on the internet until I'm good and ready. Then, call me lame if you want, I finish thinking about my girlfriend. She's the best I've ever had in bed and it's just sooooo much more satisfying than looking at a random porn-star online. They're good for a start, but not as exciting at the end."
5. The Grab Bag
"My tried and true method is just imagining fantasy scenarios with people I bump into in everyday life. Like, the girl I saw at Starbucks in the morning, plus my cute coworker, plus me in my very own shower scene. Sometimes I can incorporate famous people.
Get Nicki Minaj in there or go more classic with Diane Lane. I just try to create a new fun fantasy scenario every time."