I've Officially Slept With 99 People, And Now I'm #LookingForMyHundo

100 is such a pretty number.

zoe ligon author
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Well, I'm just going to come right out and say it.

According to the creepy (and confidential) Excel spreadsheet I keep that documents my sex life, I've slept with 99 people. The vast majority of these people (let's call it 97%) were men.

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I can see it now; my life as a dark romantic '90s comedy. Young woman tallies 99 sexual partners, decides that's "too many" partners, and saves herself for #100, and a knight in shining armor arrives. He is the hundredth mate, and he is her mate for life.

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My life is not a problematically sex-negative and sexist movie plot like the above, but when I realized my "number" had reached 99, I can't say that I didn’t think about slowing my roll.

I've read so many articles that try to dispel the notion that one's number of sexual partners doesn't matter, but they all fail miserably.

I recently read a piece that interviewed 10 women, and nobody had a count over 40. I personally believe that you can sleep with 0 people or a million people, and that's all fine with me as long as everything is safe and consensual. But I found that this article actually propelled the social construct of there being a limit on the number of people a person can sleep with.

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Don't even get me started on how a woman with 99 partners is treated in comparison to a man.

While I look down upon the slut-shaming of anyone regardless of gender, let's be real; society was built upon texts that encourage — no, REQUIRE — women to be virgins until marriage if they want to be valued by society. A slutty man can earn his keep in the world, while a slutty woman is diseased, tainted, loose, and immoral.

I could go on for ages about gender identity and sexual promiscuity, but I'm just going to universally advocate for people of all genders who have slept with a number of people that elicit slut-shaming.

Do I regret sleeping with as many people as I have?

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No, not one bit. While I don't need to provide an explanation or justification for my number being 99, I'm going to dissect my sexual past.

Many of these partners were the result of one-night stands or short-lived flings during ages 19-21. That's really when most of the count accrued. I've been sexually active for 8 years, so that's a little more than 12 partners per year on average, or one partner per month, although I'd say over half of my count can be attributed to that fling-filled period of my life. I've never been in a long-term relationship, either, so surely that contributes to my "number" as well.

So, what's in a number?

I dunno. I kept track because I like to be able to gaze at the list and recall all my awesome, sexy memories. I don't want to forget anyone, even the shitheads.

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When I write educational sex articles, I often find that the very notion that I even HAVE sex causes people to jump to calling me names. I get "slut" and "whore" a lot, and people often like to attribute my sexuality to needing a therapist and having daddy issues. Nah guys, I just like having sex — a LOT!

RELATED: Owning My Desire: Why I’ve Always Been Unashamed Of My Sex Drive

Am I a "nymphomaniac?" No. Merriam-Webster defines the term as "exhibiting unusual or excessive concern with or indulgence in sexual activity," and in my opinion, that is a very relative term. What's unusual to one person is another person's "normal." I actually have a shitload of very vanilla sex. I'm all about the missionary position.

The definition also connotes an unhealthy approach to sexuality, and "nymphomaniac" is actually considered a clinical diagnosis even. I feel that I approach sex with a very healthy mindset, constantly check in with myself and assess my actions. Of all my years (over a decade) in therapy, I have never had a therapist tell me that there was anything wrong with my sexual behavior. Maybe I just picked smart therapists!

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Am I "loose?" Well, first of all, I've already discussed how one cannot become "loose" from too much sex. Also, screw that terminology. Let's just say that I can masturbate with dildos that have a very thin diameter, and it's a nice, snug fit.

Everyone's body is different in what shapes and sizes feel good for them, and it has nothing to do with someone's sexual past.

Am I "diseased?" Well, I mean I had gonorrhea once, and that's actually an STI you can get without ever being penetrated. Other than that, nope, nothing. This is surely due to the fact that I am a safe sex nazi, but you can have sex literally one time and get any STI under the sun.

STIs are also not a big deal as long as you are aware of how to manage your STI and are honest with your partners.

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I'm absolutely sick of hearing people say things like, "Oh man, watch out for so-and-so, they're crawling with disease," because A. You have no idea what their medical history is, nor are you entitled to know, B. So what 1 in 5 adults has HSV and according to the CDC "nearly all sexually active adults will get HPV in their lifetime" so … shut up, and C. Gossiping about people in this manner only shows how insecure and judgmental you are. Whew, end rant.

I'm ready for you, #100.

I have jokingly begun using the hashtag #lookingformyhundo, as well.

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Except when I think about it, I've never really counted myself as a sexual partner, and oh boy, I really do the best job out of everyone. Maybe I'm the man of my dreams. Maybe #100 should actually just be… me.

Be proud of your "number," whatever it is, even if you have no idea what it is (it really means nothing, anyway.)

RELATED: Why It's High-Time We Embrace The "Whore"

Zoe is a sex educator and artist in NYC. She holds a BS in psychology from Fordham University and aspires to further pursue the study of human sexuality. Follow her on Tumblr.