Not one of my prouder moments.
At 25 years old, I went to the grocery store hunting for the perfect pack of tampons to wear for the first time. I've never inserted this little gadget upstairs and a pad makes your behind look rather unflattering, so I wanted to change that.
My boyfriend accompanied me to the aisle that sold them — and we were both puzzled as to which brand to choose. Should I opt for Tampax Pearl, Kotex or a generic brand? Since I've never purchased them, I had no idea where to even begin.
I turned to ask for his opinion and he said, "I'm just as clueless as you are." Then, he laughed at me for being 25 years old and buying tampons for the first time. I actually laughed at myself because it was so pathetic.
I rejected tampons in the past because I was too afraid. I hadn't had sex when I first got my period so I wanted to avoid that sharp pain sticking it in for the first time.
My mother wanted to show me how to use them, but I declined more than once, so she bought me pads instead.
They're what I was most comfortable wearing at the time. You just stick them to your undies and go. There's no need to put them up your vagina.
But back to present-day.
I went for Tampax Pearl Regulars because I'm most familiar with that brand. I went into the bathroom, opened up the box and wrapper, took out the tampon and read the instructions. My best friend told me what to do the night before, and I also watched videos on YouTube trying to understand how it works.
The instructions all pretty much said the same thing: insert the application and push it up. Sure, maybe that sounds simple, but when you're me, it's way more complicated than that.
I stood in the bathroom for about 30 minutes trying to comprehend how to put the tampon in.
I became frustrated because it wasn't going in all the way and since I was no longer living near family and friends, I had no one to show me. Turns out, I was putting it in the wrong hole.
I tried to calm myself down, but nothing worked. My boyfriend came in and asked me what was wrong. When I told him, he repeated, "Relax, you have to relax." Simple to say; hard to do.
Once I had the right hole, I kept pushing it in further and further until I could no longer see the application, but what the hell was I supposed to do next?
It was like a comedy routine. My boyfriend helped me pull the application out, while I held onto him. It was absolutely pathetic, painful, and hysterical.
The tampon felt really uncomfortable, so I had to take it out and try again. This time, I did it myself and it felt slightly better, but a bit off. Whatever, I said to myself, I'll just deal with it.
When I peed a few hours later, I saw spots of blood on my undies, which I figured wasn't supposed to happen. Who knows?
Consider this story a lesson for all you ladies: never wait until you're 25 to wear a tampon because you'll end up feeling absolutely pitiful.