These stars love solo sex ... and they want everyone to know about it.
One time in high school, I was at a friend's house for a party. His mom had a few drinks, and at one point she loudly announced "Everybody masturbates." I'll never forget that moment, because it was the funniest thing I've ever seen. It's also probably true, but that's not what makes it funny.
There's nothing wrong with doing it, but also, keep it to yourself, okay? I'm not even grossed out when people talk about it, I just don't care. It's literally the opposite of an accomplishment. And unless you're my embarrassed friend's drunk mom, what you're saying isn't funny.
Here are 10 famous people who have publicly bragged about masturbating. Why would they brag about such a thing? Because playing character after character has left them an empty shell, unable to tell what's real and what's leftover. Or maybe they were just trying to be shocking? Who knows?
1. Fred Durst
I know it may be a bit shocking, but Fred Durst once talked in public about inappropriate things! He bragged about having some alone time in a bathroom stall before one of the MTV award shows. The weird thing is, his career continued for a long time after that.
2. Jenny McCarthy
Jenny McCarthy claims that she never leaves home without her vibrator. Which means that she thinks that a situation will come up where she has to masturbate immediately. Still not the dumbest thing she's ever said though.
3. Aubrey Plaza
While promoting one of her movies on Conan, Aubrey Plaza revealed that there's a scene where she's not acting. She's doing the real thing! Imagine if you did that at your job? You definitely wouldn't get to go talk to Conan O'Brien about it, I guarantee it.
4. John Mayer
Of course John Mayer has publicly bragged about masturbating. It doesn't really matter what he actually said, because he just said it because he needed attention and he doesn't know how to get it positively.
5. Seth Rogen
Seth Rogen admitted to having some fun to a picture of RuPaul. There's nothing wrong with that, but he admitted it publicly and also directly to RuPaul. Seth Rogen found a way to make masturbation even creepier.
6. Jeremy Piven
Jeremy Piven once said, "If masturbation is a crime, put me on death row." Piven is famous for playing jerks, and it seems like there's an obvious reason for that. He probably only ever brings up masturbation to change the subject from the time that he dropped out of a Broadway play because he "ate some bad sushi." Those quotes aren't meant to mean I'm quoting him, they're there for the "We all knew it wasn't the truth and it's an awful excuse anyway" reason.
7. Eva Longoria
Eva Longoria loves vibrators so much that she says she gives them out as gifts to her friends. I'm sure they appreciate the gesture, but it's still super awkward.
If you were an angry teenager in the late '90s, then you know all about Korn. One of their earliest hits was the song "A.D.I.D.A.S." (which stands for all day I dream about sex). It's about as subtle as you'd expect any Korn song to be.
9. Ryan Reynolds
While visiting Conan O'Brien's show, Ryan Reynolds talked about how he thought getting suspended from school was a dumb punishment. All he would end up doing is stay home all day and you can figure out where this is going, can't you? Are you really going to make me say it? He was jacking off, ok?!
10. Maggie Ghyllenhaal
A lot of people like to collect things, it's cool. Maggie Ghyllenhaal likes to collect vibrators. I'm assuming that's the creepiest part of the tour when new guests come to her house.