How many are YOU guilty of?
We're all guilty of taking arbitrary selfies: of our new hairdo, a stylish manicure, our night on the town, or a brand new outfit that's CRAZY "on fleek." Sharing these photos is a great way to express how good we feel about ourselves or (let's be honest) to brag about the unique experiences we've had.
But how far is TOO far?
Well, for some of you, selfies aren't just about showing others where you've been or what you've done; selfies are your own personal "mirror, mirror on the wall" narcissistic ego-feeding machine.
It’s painfully clear to the rest of us that the entire point of every selfie you post is to grub as much attention as you can get from social media. You're hangry (to desperate levels) for those likes, retweets, pins, and hearts.
It's an addiction ... to YOURSELF!
And the rest of us are rolling our eyes at you. You think you come across amazing and interesting, but in truth, we're wondering if mental illness is your issue. So, what am I talking about specifically?
Here are the 12 most ridiculously obvious attention-seeking selfies that you really need to stop taking. Seriously, girlfriend. Stop.
1. Pet selfies
Yes, your pet is SO cute. We agreed the first few times you posted Fifi's photo. But documenting your pet's every move needs to stop.
Don't think we haven't noticed that to snap so many Me & Fifi photos, you're clearly waking him up from a nap, bothering him when he's eating, or lifting him up when he doesn't like to be touched.
Whether or not your pet wants a camera's flash in his or her fluffy face doesn't really matter to you as long as you look good.
2. Trying oh-so-hard to be sexy selfies
These selfies include (but are not limited to): the duck face, tight-fitted clothing, the "waking up looking like this" face, and of course, the "accidental" cleavage shot.
We all know, "Hey everyone, look at my new necklace!" is just an excuse to push your breasts together and pout your lips for attention. The Kardashian/Jenners pull it off (maybe), but it's not working so well for you.
3. Gym selfies
Flex, baby, flex! JK, please don't.
You just had a great workout, you're covered in sweat, and 100% ready to take a selfie in the gym mirror (where everyone in close range can see you). Maybe you're trying to make us all feel bad that you're in shape — but at least we don't look like a complete toolbag.
You're clearly already looking at yourself in the mirror to admire yourself. Do you really need to share that in a selfie, too?
4. Toilet selfies
Soooo ... this is your idea of the perfect place to snap a selfie? You're doing your business but you look damn good doing it?
The bathroom stall walls shield this view from others for a reason. Don't violate that boundary by showing us your toilet selfie! What's next? Snapping a picture of your #2 in the bowl? Might as well send a ShitChat to everyone on SnapChat, too.
5. Fake sleeping selfies
Yes, "your bae" really did take a picture of you sleeping ... if bae is actually your feet. Taking a picture with your feet shows some serious foot-skills, but nothing screams, "I love — no, NEED — attention!" more than pretending you're sleeping and photographing yourself.
You should probably make sure there's no mirror reflection in your picture either. Didn't think about that one, did ya?
6. Driving selfies
You MUST be an adrenaline junkie to take a selfie while your vehicle is in motion. And hey, screw the safety of others, right? You really only need one hand on the wheel. Eyes on YOU, not the road.
While you're at it, don't stop at stop lights or yield to pedestrians or oncoming traffic, either. After all, who cares about the law? As long as you have "likes" from people you don't even know, it's all good.
And if you crash, at least you looked good doing it (and you might even get to take a selfie with the wreckage!).
7. Jail selfies
Or should I say cell-fies? Posing with money in your inmate jumpsuits is the newest trend in jailhouse fashion — and if you didn't know that you're WAY behind.
Even Wiz Khalifa is hip on this trend, posting a jail selfie for the world to see. Whether you're in a cell for DUI, assault, theft, or even murder, apparently orange really IS the new black.
8. Hospital selfies
It doesn't matter why you're in the hospital; you better WORK in that gown. Even though you were up all night in pain, styling your hair and applying makeup are a must. Don't want to scare your followers into clicking "unfollow."
Make sure your hospital bracelet gets in your picture, too, so people believe you, and don't forget to hashtag the reason for your hospital visit: #Surgery #Morphine #iJustGaveBirth #ERrecovery #iHadNothingBetterToDoOnaSunday
9. Disaster selfies
You were just in a plane/boat/car crash. Naturally, your first instinct is to take a selfie with the wreckage behind you, of course! Be sure to mention the horrid smell of smoldering metal and your narrow escape with only minor scratches.
But even worse then disaster selfies documenting your own ordeal, is hustling desperately for attention using someone else's true misery. Oh, look! A building exploded and collapsed in NYC's East Side, lives are ruined — better take a selfie! #RIP #SoSad #DamnMyHairLooksGood
Tragedy porn selfies not only makes you look insensitive; they make you look like a fool.
10. Pre- AND post-sex selfies
Ummm. These selfies tell quite a riveting story. First, a picture with you and your boo, looking nice after a date or getting ready to go on your honeymoon. Follow this with a shot of you both in bed, under the covers, mostly naked and clearly ready for action.
Or worse, the post-coital selfie with messy hair that documents your HOT night of passion. Your disheveled look is bordering on porn but sex sells so you're bound to gain new followers and hearts. Go you!
11. Funeral selfies
Funerals and wakes are extremely depressing; nobody actually wants to go, but it's the right thing to do as a sign of respect. And what better way to show your respect then with a selfie.
The casket makes a great background drop and the flower bouquets will bring out the color of your all-black attire. It's not a big deal ... they're dead! What do they care? I'm sure the deceased is happy their death served your own narcissistic intentions.
12. James Franco selfies
You thought funeral selfies are wrong? They don't even come close to James Franco selfies. Selfie enthusiasts have a LOT to learn from James Franco. His narcissistic selfie game is A+, often switching up between peace signs, hands in his pants, and bed-head selfies.
He could probably make any of the other selfies look good! So, if you want to be like him, you must get into the right mindset. Get completely smashed before hosting The Oscars, maintain a good un-shaven ratio, and, of course, get your celebrity status to skyrocket by documenting super awkward images of yourself.