Type-A. Controlling. Bossy. These are just a few of the big, bad words that are often tossed in the direction of those smart and successful women with high standards, tight schedules and goals they won't deviate from. But what most of the name-callers don't know is that there's often a valid reason behind her annoyance at a last-minute cancellation and an understandable reason she chooses not to go on a second date with the super-sweet, out-of-work actor with loads of spontaneity and no long-term goals - and it's not that she's uptight or a snob. If you're looking to date or befriend one of these women, prepare for a solid, grown-up relationship but know her pet peeves. Here, we detail 10 of them.
1. Last-Minute Invites: This isn’t because she isn’t spontaneous; she would actually love to see you. It’s because she has a job, social and personal life that she respects and thus requires some balancing. Translation: She often has a packed calendar. So, when you casually call her for drinks at the last-minute (the third time this week) and then accuse her of never having time to meet up, it goes from disappointing to slightly infuriating.
2. Flaky People. I know, she’s just not cool when you have to reschedule. Let me explain: Remember the packed calendar? She feels that if she has reserved a spot for you in it, looked forward to seeing you, planned around the date and then you cancel it last-minute, she not only misses out on your good company but also the people she turned down in order to see you. Or the massage she could have finally booked. Or the mentor meeting she could have asked for. Life happens; she gets it. But if you flake out often, she'll eventually stop making plans with you altogether.
3. Peter Pan Syndrome. It was a lot of fun to be a kid which is why she enjoyed it in childhood. But she’s glad to be a woman now and relishes in the fun of being an adult. These women enjoy living a full, grown-up life and welcome all of the responsibility that comes with it. They've worked hard to get where they are and enjoy spending time with other adults who take pride in their careers, friendships, finances and enjoying life beyond having fun in the moment. When looking for a partner, she looks for someone with the same outlook.
4. Lack of Accountability. We’re all flawed, clumsy humans but knowing how to own up to a screw-up is a solid sign of maturity and character - two things boss women find essential when dolling out their forgiveness and deciding to move forward.
5. The Pen Pal Game. She’s not on Tinder, Match, OK Cupid or any other dating site because she wants to share stories with you for thirty days before actually meeting face-to-face. She’s using online dating tools to actually meet a man who will engage her, ask for her number, pick up the phone, ask her out, make plans, give her the time and place to meet a few days ahead of time and then meet up with her and be open to a possible connection. In that order.
6. People Without Goals. Those people who take things “day-by-day” with no long-term plans, dreams or desires beyond having fun in the moment? They may be “chill” and relaxed, but they stress boss women out so badly they need three glasses of bordeaux followed by a two-hour massage. Worse are those who equate goal-setting and ambition with something negative such as denouncing a desire to achieve as "obsessed" or choosing to work late on a passion project as being a "workaholic". Just because you don't get it doesn't mean she should not go for it.
7. Bullsh*t: In the bedroom, boardroom or in a bar, boss women have seen and heard it all and they can sniff out a phoney in record time. While genuine interest, compliments and gestures are appreciated, flattery, big promises and hot air are not. If you want to impress these women, say less and do more.
8. Ignorance. Keep your sexist, racist, ageist, classist comments to yourself. She won’t get the “joke” and will likely let you know it right then and there. If you’re not joking, well, lookout...
Brenda Della Casa is the Author of Cinderella Was a Liar, The Managing Editor of Preston Bailey, A Huffington Post Blogger and the Founder of BDC Life In Style. She is usually found in the gym hitting the speed bag to Eminem, having a wine-down with friends or writing with her beloved Chihuahua, Tony Che Montana, by her side. Facebook: BrendaDellaCasa Twitter: @BrendaDellaCasa Instagram: @BrendaDellaCasa