A new study says 20% of married couples in the U.S. haven't had sex in the last month.
By Amanda Chatel — Written on Jan 09, 2015
It's a myth as old as time: Once you get married, the sex stops. I’ve heard, you heard, we’ve all heard, but is it really true? I mean, if you’re only getting laid once a year are really going to admit that to your friends? Well, it would probably depend on how much pity you want, I suppose.
A new study of 16,000 Americans, between the ages of 18 and 60, has found that sexless marriages are not just a thing, but a thing that's becoming more and more common. A whopping 20 percent of married couples in the U.S. haven't had sex in the last month and 6 percent haven't had sex in—wait for it— more than a year.
Apparently, this 6 percent do not leave in the Northeast where banging 24/7 seems like a great idea right now as a means to stop from shaking and shivering in this single-digit weather.
Although, it should be noted that the average is 1.2 times a week, so that's something. But where things get scary again, and maybe even scary enough to turn some away from the holy matrimony, is that sexless marriages have quadrupled in the 20 years. In 1994, 1.3 percent of men and 2.6 percent of women reported that they had not done the deed in the past year, whereas in 2014 those numbers jumped to 4.9 percent and 6.5 percent, respectively. No wonder the sex toy industry is booming.
However, maybe we don't all need to freak out. Maybe there's a totally logical and understandable reason as to why this is the case. Enter Denise A. Donnelly. Donnelly is an associate professor of sociology at Georgia State University and someone who has become one of the leading researchers on the topic of sexless marriages.
"I suspect that we just hear more about it. Back in the days before reliable birth control, having a sexless marriage was one way of limiting family size… Plus, unhappy couples (who are less likely to have sex) were more likely to stay together because of social expectations, or because they had children they were raising."
Which, in an era where over-sharing is pretty much the norm, does make a lot of sense. Perhaps, we're not losing our drive to get it on with our beloved partners after all? There is no question that sex frequency drops as a relationship evolves.
It's sort of like shoes: When you get those fancy Louboutin pumps, you wear the hell of them, but then after awhile, you just don't. It's not that you've stopped loving them, but you know how they fit, what they look good with, and you've already worn them everywhere possible. The honeymoon phase is over, and that's OK. It doesn't mean you want to trade them in for something "better," because Louboutin heels are an investment in something great that will never go out of style, if you continue to remember those early days and what made you buy them in the first place.
I cannot believe how obnoxiously Carrie Bradshaw of me that was, but it's true.
Marriage, or any long-term commitment, doesn't have to mean the end to your sex life, but it does mean a change in your sex life. Things change, it's just part of life, and if you can't accept that, then maybe you're more of a fling and one-night stand person, and that’s awesome, too. You do you, I'll do me, and we'll all be just fine.