"I was 13, got drunk on like two beers and then my mom picked me up to take me to my violin lesson."
I’m always quick to admit that my first time was a bust. Granted, losing one's virginity is never as great as the sex you’ll have in the future, but the range of awkwardness can be pretty extreme. Let’s be honest: we all have weird, funny, and embarrassing stories about our first time. I’ve yet to meet someone who’s ever said their first time was magical and involved orgasm after orgasm. Have you?
We asked a few ladies their thoughts on their first time. Was it awkward like the majority of loss of virginity stories? Painful and bloody? Or something gloriously unforgettable. Here's what they had to say.
The blood! The pain!
"My first time was excruciating. I thought I was going to die. I went to ballet the next day and I thought I wouldn't make it through. Seriously excruciating. Almost more painful than my cyst rupturing. I was wondering why people liked it, and the guy was super genteel, too," says Autumn, 25.
"I think I blocked out most of the details, because I felt so guilty about it since I was really into him anymore. I was 14, he was my 16-year-old boyfriend, and it was quick. There was also lots of blood, which made for a nasty situation when the condom got stuck in me and we had to dig it out," says Annie, 30.
It was good, not great, but good.
"My first time was with my first 'real' boyfriend. I was 17 and he was house sitting. It wasn't mind blowing or anything, but it was a good first experience. Afterward we ate toast and did the newspaper crossword together. My only regret was that since I came from a fairly conservative upbringing I decided that since I'd lost my virginity to him it was probably best if we got married. So we did, when I was 18 (almost 19), and got divorced the day before my 25th birthday," says Colleen, 30.
"Monday, February 17, 1992. We had the day off school. (Thanks, Presidents!) My boyfriend and I had been caught by cops in my car a week or two earlier before completing the deed, so I decided to be proactive. I picked him up (I had a car, he didn't), brought him back to my house, and we fumbled through it like two virgins do. Of note: I was wearing a bootleg Morrissey t-shirt and black bike shorts. I never removed said t-shirt. I kept hitting my head on the bars of my daybed. It hurt a bit but not a ton, over quickly. (Two virgins.) We went to Jack in the Box after. We exchanged I Love Yous eight days later (the 25th) in a pouring rainstorm. And we got a LOT better at the whole sex thing," says Sarah, 35
Nothing to write home about…
"It was dumb. I was 13, got drunk on like two beers and then my mom picked me up to take me to my violin lesson and I threw up," says Kate 33.
"It was meh. That's the best I can say about it." says Jen, 33.
"It was boring. It didn't hurt, I didn't bleed, and I definitely didn't have an orgasm. Actually, I didn't orgasm from sex until I reached my mid-20s. But yup, totally whatever," says Sara, 28.
It was "great."
"It was with my first girlfriend. We dated the summer after my freshman year in college. It was more almost like friends-with-benefits than real dating (we weren't all that romantic.) We had bought some sex toys together, almost as a joke (including a ridiculous looking strap-on), and used them to freak out our more sheltered friends and her younger sister. Then, one day, while fooling around, said toys got used. It was kind of an eye-opening experience for me, because when I was in high school, I really had no clue how I felt about such things (and many people told me I was a prude for not dating anyone then, or having all that much interest in sex.) Then hey, it turns out, when there's no pressure, I thought all that stuff was great! Who knew?" asks Becky, 29.