So, we went over the flaws in beach sex last week. Naturally, it's time to go after car sex! As fun as it can be under exactly the right circumstances, there is also a long list of perils that can come along with getting it on in the car. Read on, and think carefully before you decide to get amorous in your four-door.
1. Limited space. I don't care how flexible you think you are; only trained yogis can comfortably get it on in a sedan.
2. High chances of getting caught. Cops do keep their eyes out for things like this, you know. Plus, you can always get charged with public indecency. And we don't want that for you.
3. Too many places for your fella to rack himself. The console, the stick shift, your elbow, if you're not careful.
4. Imminent injury. It is way too easy to smack your head on the window, get your hand caught in something, or, as number three suggests, unman him.
5. Crashing. The. Car. If you're really not thinking (because all the blood has left your head) you might try getting it on while the car is in motion. PLEASE DO NOT. It is not a good idea to try to hook up while barreling down the freeway. You'll crash, you'll get arrested, and the next thing you know, you're in handcuffs on your way to the ER. Let's just avoid that one entirely, okay?
6. You probably won't be able to focus. At least not as well as you would someplace truly private. You'll have one ear perked for other cars, wandering serial killers (yes, I'm paranoid), or even, depending on where you are, wild animals. And this leads to a less satisfying climax. I can't speak for men, but focus is pretty darn important when it comes to the female orgasm.
7. It's just not as fulfilling. You are limited to a few positions, and pretty basic ones at that. If you want to get crazy, buy a copy of the Kama Sutra, stretch, and have at it. Just not in the car.