So, it didn't work out — you guys broke up, and it sucks. It really sucks. But you know what makes it worse? Doing things that you know you shouldn't be doing, because they're only prolonging your misery.
In our recent Break Up With Your Ex survey, we found out that 64 percent of respondents are still obsessed with a past relationship, but 86 percent agree they'd be better off making a clean break from their exes. And we're here to help you do just that.
So get off your ex's Facebook page (we'll get to the defriending later), tune in and move on!
1. Jumping Into The Sack
Sleeping with someone new tonight will totally renew your diminished sense of self-worth and independence, right?! Wrong. Having sex tonight will absolutely not do either of those things. Chances are, you'll wake up with a post-coital hangover and regret everything about your little revenge romp. Don't get me wrong; hooking up with someone new is a completely integral part of the post-breakup process … in due time. If your mind is made up, go ahead and make out with someone, but keep your clothes on until you can make a more rational decision. I apply a similar strategy when it comes to online shopping. If I still want it in a week, I break out the plastic. Until then, I pump the breaks.
2. Social Media-Stalking
You knew this one was coming — so cut it out! The stalking needs to STOP. Oh, you don't want to go ahead and press “unfriend” because then you'll look like you "actually care?" Please. Are you a robot? Of course you care. Doing it today is better than doing it next week, when you can stalk to see if he or she has any new pictures, or status updates, or instagrams, or tweets, or vines. That's right, we're talking a cold-turkey social media separation here.
3. Revisiting Your Usual "Spots"
Am I saying that you should rearrange every route you take to avoid running into an ex forever? No, of course not — that would be ridiculous. But you can get that tall black coffee just about anywhere, so stop going to the Starbucks near your ex's office in hopes of formulating a run in ("Wow, so good to see you! This is so random!"). If you were in a traumatic car crash, would you drive by the scene of the accident all the time? Trying to run into your ex is unnecessary, unsettling, and totally obvious.
According to our recent Break Up With Your Ex survey, more than 50 percent of respondents said it's nostalgia and longing that keep them hooked. and cutting all ties to an ex just seems "too final. But breaking free now, as hard as it is, is important.
4. Getting Closure
Trying to make the person who dumped you feel sorry for you is not going to work, it's only going to make you look stupid now, and feel stupid later. Remember, you're an awesome person, so if your ex broke up with you, then he or she probably put some serious thought into why the two of you are no longer compatible as a couple. Even if you do manage to schedule a post-breakup meeting so that you can gain some "closure," you're still not going to get what you want. What you're seeing as a "breakthrough" in your communication barrier, your ex sees as an altruistic act of pity.
5. Constantly Talking About Your Ex
For the sake of your friends, your family, and your Twitter feed (yes, subtweets count) please stop doing this. Does that story about you and your ex going to "insert destination here" and doing "insert irrelevant story here" really follow the conversation you're currently having, or are you just looking for an excuse to bring it up? If you're in the mood to talk about your breakup, just say so! Your friends will respond better if they know you’re upset, but the incessant name-dropping gets old really quickly.
6. Freaking Out Over Their Next Possible Relationship Opportunity
It's natural to experience an overwhelming sense of "what went wrong?" but stewing over text messages and phone calls made to someone else during your relationship isn't going to bring it back. It's over, and your ex's next partner is none of your business. Of course, you have every right to hate this person by default on a private level, there's no need to broadcast your resentment to every unsuspecting human you happen to run into. We've all been guilty of this at one point or another, but the end result is still the same. You're going to move on, and your ex is going to move on — and that's a good thing!
7. Not Wallowing
We're not suggesting you get (or stay) too down in the dumps, but brushing it off and ignoring the fact that you're hurt won't be helpful either. Allowing yourself to feel sadness now will help you recover in the long run. That's part of the process — as we mentioned in our breakup recovery timeline. It's natural for you to be upset — grab the Ben & Jerry's and load up Netflix. You'll be back to good in no time.
Check back every day for articles, essays and expert advice on breaking up with your ex at last. And be sure to stay connected: Follow us on Twitter and Facebook for daily updates, facts and quotes about living your best love life.
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