The 5 Intimacy Stages Of A Relationship

By

The 5 Intimacy Stages Of A Relationship
From infatuation to landing to love, intimacy tends to follow a series of stages.

I want to preface this by saying that although there are no typical couples, there do tend to be intimacy stages in a relationship. Within the grief process, according to the Kübler-Ross model, we have denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These stages do not always happen in this particular order. We may have anger, then denial, then acceptance, then bargaining, and then depression—then circling back around to acceptance. Grief and intimacy seem to be made of the same fabric—the intensity, the dullness, the gains, and the loss all mirror one another.

The 5 Stages of Intimacy

Infatuation:

"OMG, I just met the love of my life." "He is perfect. I want to marry him." "I can't believe we have so much in common." "He is great in bed." "I cannot wait to see him again." "Oh I should eat something. I am going to vomit."

Oh, the sweet, syrupy stage of infatuation. It's so wonderful and so difficult to resist. Hormones and logic rarely coincide, so we find ourselves doing things like checking email 12-24 times an hour, not eating, going to get our nails done at midnight, buying pajamas to match our bedsheets...

Infatuation makes your dopamine levels soar, producing a full-body euphoria that causes humans to seek out sex again and again. To wit, brain scan studies show that the brain during orgasm is 95 percent the same as the brain on heroin. Your brain cannot, biologically, maintain the high of infatuation: You will fry. The infatuation will ebb and flow at different points. The sex will not always be that good ... it may get better, or it may get worse. But all those lovely feelings of that first initial swim in the cool crisp pond of falling in love: How many movies could we watch about that? Billions. It's pure poetry. Love magnified; a revisit to the warm womb of security. Then, the negotiation between security and autonomy, that life-long struggle, crawls in and we begin to land. 

Landing: 

The landing from that fantastic flight can be the scariest part. We see things a lot more clearly. There is a great article in Psychology Today along the lines of, "The day you wake up and say you have married the wrong person is the day that your marriage truly begins." Meaning, this is the day where the veil of infatuation has lifted and the 20/20 vision of everyday living comes in. "Wow, she is neurotic." "OMG, he tells the worst jokes." "I didn't think about him at all yesterday. I hope we are okay." The landing can be light and sweet, or rocky and discombobulating. But eventually the clock strikes midnight and Cinderella must run home before the stage coach becomes a pumpkin and her dress returns to rags. Landing! Oy, so bittersweet. Keep reading...

GO FURTHER TOGETHER WITH MORE SPARKS AT DUREXUSA.COM/GETCLOSER

Learn more about the Liberating Side of Being Together:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

LMFT Zoe Hicks

Counselor/Therapist

Zoe Hicks, LMFT

zoerosehicks@gmail.com
http://www.zoerosehicks.com
c: 310-968-4502
 

Location: Brooklyn, NY
Credentials: LMFT
Other Articles/News by LMFT Zoe Hicks:

The 5 Ingredients To Being Fulfilled

By

According to a mentor of mine, there are five primary emotions:   1. The need for Love 2. The need for Comfort 3.  The need for Justice 4. The need for Validation 5. The need for Respect   These primary emotions can not be subdivided. They are at the core of what drives us. When you are angry, sad, lonely, upset, and so ... Read more

3 Secrets to a Successful Marriage

By

A long hard day dwindled down to me walking my sorry butt into a car service station in Park Slope, Brooklyn and buying a ride home. An older women, in her mid-late 60s, is the driver. She wears her bleach blonde hair in a small high pony tail atop her head with a bright pink scrunchie and has these fantastic thick black glasses with a hearing aide. She is ... Read more

5 Ways To Know You Are Dating a Mean Person

By

Everyone is a mixed bag, the kindest person will become irate at times, and the meanest person can be found every now and then throwing some change at a homeless person.  Dating, that effervescent mix of loneliness, want, desire and impatience, leads to blurry vision.  How do you know when the person who is sharply ordering that second dessert to ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular