Kissing and telling could improve your sex life.
We already knew that your inner circle could affect your drinking habits and weight, but now, a new study from the University of Colorado — Boulder, says that your sex life and consequently your happiness, are affected by the sex lives of your friends.
According to the study, even if you are having sex regularly, finding out that a friend is having more sex than you will make you unhappy. If you find out that you have sex the most often out of your circle of friends, this knowledge will increase your happiness. "My clients say that when their friends tell them that they are having sex every day, sometimes twice in one day, it makes them feel discouraged,” says Dr. Stephanie Buehler, psychologist and author of What Every Mental Health Professional Needs To Know About Sex. Could the key to better sex be keeping tight-lipped about what goes on behind closed doors?
Not necessarily, according to psychotherapist Dr. Judi Cinéas, who encourages kissing and telling with your friends for better sex. "When good friends find something that is working for them, they should share it with one another," she says. "When certain sexual behaviors seem taboo, people are reluctant to try it. But, once your friends are doing it, it destigmatizes the behavior, making it feel more acceptable to try."
Dr. Buehler agrees. "Ten years ago almost no woman in my office described having anal sex with their partner," she says. "Today, lots of women tell me that they have tried anal sex, often times because a friend told them that it was an out-of-this-world experience." Keep reading...
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Learn more about the Liberating Side of Being Together:
- Your Brain On Sex: 4 Ways To Use Human Physiology In Your Bedroom
- The Beginner's Guide To Sharing Fantasies Through Dirty Talk
- 6 Ways To Introduce Sexual Taboos Into The Bedroom
Although you may try something new in bed when your friends admit to trying it, this doesn't necessarily mean that you'll have the same mind-blowing experience that your friend described. "Some of my clients end up feeling confused because they didn't have an equal experience to the one their friends had," says Dr. Buehler. "And, although your friend and her partner were both willing to trying something new, this may not be the case for you and your partner. They may be more hesitant or conservative."
If you want to try out a new move but are unsure of how to bring it up, Cinéas recommends using knowledge of what your partner responds to in order to present your idea. For example, if your partner tends to be more conservative, offering him research that has been done on a particular position may make him more comfortable with your suggestion. According to Cinéas, this is a better approach than telling him that you want to try it because a friend told you that it worked. However, if you're dating someone who is more free-spirited, simply bringing it up and being excited about it may be enough to convince them that they should give it a shot.
The next time you’re at girl’s night and find yourself on the topic of sex, Dr. Buehler recommends taking everything that is said with a grain of salt. “People aren’t always truthful about sex,” she says. To avoid feelings of resentment, psychologist and author Dr. Susan Bartell suggests asking questions about your friends' relationships rather than how often they have sex. "Do they keep a date night, or spend time each night talking about their day?" she asks. "The answers to questions like these are more likely to guide you and your partner down the right path.”