He Said, She Said: How Do I Get My Partner To Open Up?

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Relationships: How Do I Get My Partner To Share Emotions?
Words and phrases that will help your partner share their emotions with you.

Want to get your partner to open up to you emotionally so you can deepen your bond and enhance your intimacy? Some words and phrases can push your partner away, while others can bring you closer together as a couple. Men and women, having some major communication differences, tend to respond to different words and phrases.

"She said," from Jane Garapick:


While we're of the same species, men and women communicate very differently. Men tend to use language to make a specific point or convey specific information, while women tend to use language to bond to and feel a connection with their partner.

If she seems distant, here are some simple phrases you can use to connect with her heart and get her to open up to you:

  • "I understand how you feel; I'd feel the same way." Words such as this convey that you identify with her, and they validate her feelings, which is what she really wants. She simply needs to feel heard, and to know that you feel compassion for her, so steer clear of trying to fix her problem (which is often difficult, as men are wired to try to help) or offer any unsolicited advice, such as anything starting with "You should…"
  • "Know that I'm here for you, and I always will be." She needs to know that you aren't going to take off at the first sign of difficulties, and that you're in the relationship for the long haul. These words will make her feel secure, safe and comfortable, and will convey to her that you won't abandon her.
  • "I'm on your side. What can I do to help?" Let her know that you are united as a couple, and that it's the two of you against the others (whoever the others are). She wants to feel taken care of and supported, and she needs to know that the two of you are a team.
  • "I don't know where I'd be without you—you mean everything to me." While men tend to want to feel needed, women tend to want to feel cherished. Language such as this conveys to her that you value her and recognize her worth, which goes a long way toward making her feel connected to you.
  • It also helps to show her your vulnerable side by using "I" statements to let her know your feelings, such as "I feel overwhelmed by everything we have going on." If you express your feelings in this manner, she will feel much more connected to you and will naturally start to open up to you with her own feelings.
  • Lastly, if physical intimacy is on your mind, instead of saying "Wow baby, you look hot," try "Honey, you are so beautiful. I'm the luckiest guy in the world to have you." Then give her a long, warm hug, holding onto her until she lets go. Then you can tell her how hot she looks—you just dramatically increased your odds of getting what you want. Keep reading...


Learn more about the Liberating Side of Being Together:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Jane Garapick

Dating Coach

Jane Garapick knows firsthand what it’s like to have a broken heart, a broken dream, and a broken you. She writes about adventures on the rocky road to finding Mr. Right at her website www.gettingtotruelove.com.

To get started on your own personal journey to true love, download Jane's complimentary guide "Find Your True Love: 10 Simple Steps to Getting the Love You Want...and Deserve"

You can also follow her on Twitter @JaneGarapick and "like" her page on Facebook

Location: Bellingham, WA
Credentials: Other
Advanced Member

Brock Hansen

YourTango Expert Partner

Brock Hansen, LICSW



Location: Washington, DC
Credentials: LICSW, MSW
Specialties: Anxiety Issues, Depression, Eating & Food Issues
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