You'll go blind. Your palms will grow hair. You will go to hell. You will be unable to perform or possibly finish with another human person involved. These are the things that we generally consider as downsides of masturbating. While some of these self-love consequences are farfetched, they don't compare to screaming death.
Per Salon, a man in DC was preparing for his brother's wedding by fiddling with his diddler (also self-abusing). It should be noted that the man is Indian and no one knows when he may have another chance to explore given the length of those nuptials. Things go as planned until the grand finale. Rather than the typical climax of flower petals and orchestral overtures, this one was a full-blown destruction of Alderaan in his brain.
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As the old wives' tale goes, the lights went out for him but he managed to get a hold of his brother on the biggest day of his life and get dragged to a nearby hospital. Evidently, the problem was an Arteriovenous Malformation and maybe the whacking wasn't 100% to blame. Please have a look at the Salon story for the fallout.
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In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have written off instances of bedroom numbness and tingling as just mind-blowing orgasms or, at worst, a mild heart attacks. While this may not ever happen to you or me, it's probably good to have a medical alert bracelet or text service in place. While it's not the same as autoerotic asphyxiation gone wrong, we should all save our parents the indignity of having to tell everyone at the Rotary Club that we died doing what we love.
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