If you were afraid that your partner might cheat, would you do your best to please them so that they would be less likely to do so? Sometimes, our suspicions and jealousy get the best of us, so we attempt to regulate the situation in hopes of limiting the likelihood of ourselves getting hurt. And sometimes, this even impacts our sex life.
In a new study published in Personality and Individual Differences, men in heterosexual relationships have more interest and spend more time performing oral sex on their partners when they believe that their partner may be unfaithful to them. So what does this mean for people presently in relationships?
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The potential, or even suspicions, of cheating can affect a relationship very negatively. When one person feels that he or she is being secretly hurt, it can decrease intimacy and make it difficult to feel satisfied and comfortable sexually. If you were afraid that someone else was sleeping with your partner, it could lead to fear of STDs, a lack of connectedness, even disgust. Being betrayed is a horrible feeling, particularly when it comes to someone you love and care about, so even the caution surrounding that anxiety can heavily impact your sex life.
When I was in college, I had a boyfriend who had cheated on most of his past girlfriends and, at some point, had lied to me (not about cheating, though). His dishonesty towards me, as well as his history, led me to constantly fear that he was with other partners and that led us to fight on a regular basis. Eventually, we broke up, and a large part of that was my inability to trust him and his inability to prove himself trustworthy.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you should start constantly reassuring your significant other of your fidelity if he starts going down on you more. Perhaps he’s just learned some new tricks and wants to show you, or maybe he’s always been this way and you’ve just started noticing it more. In any case, it's important to be sensitive in the event that he is insecure (particularly if he exhibits it in a sexual or low-key way ... if he’s accusatory or cruel about these insecurities, that’s a whole other story).
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Make sure you both are clear and honest about your loyalty, as well as how you view your relationship commitment-wise. When everything is on the table, there’s a lot less room for each of you to stress out about the other’s potential unfaithfulness.
How has jealousy played a role in your sex life?
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