“Before I found the E-Course I was very lost and very scared. I have described it as feeling like I was in a very dark, deep forest without a flashlight. Once I embarked on the course I realized I actually had a flashlight, I just had to learn how to turn it on. With a lot of patience I learned how to take care of my feelings centered around my fears. The moment when I knew something was working came around the time when I had built up enough courage with working through the lessons, journaling and support of the forum that this had nothing to do with my partner, but just fears that were trying to protect me from getting hurt by love. I think there does come a point after you’ve panicked enough that your psyche says, okay, that’s great and all, but what are we going to do about it? The course helps you with finding your way out. With each fear you shine your light on, you realize, oh, that’s not scary at all or there is no way that makes any sense or oh, I don’t actually believe that, and then you keep moving forward.
“Soon I realized how good it felt to take care of myself. These fears didn’t begin with my now husband. He didn’t cause them; they had always been lurking. And, in a sense, I always knew that. But fears are scary. Just like anything that involves risk. As a young child, I was always afraid of the dark, sleepovers, trying new things. But I have a heart that wants to explore and wants love so it pushes me. And for the kind of gal I am, it’s not enough for me to just “jump out of a plane”; I need to prepare and take care of myself while I’m in the process of taking a risk. A loving form of self-care was the missing piece. There had been no way for me to show the scared part of myself taking the risk that I’m being taken care of. When I began to realize that I could do that, jumping out of the plane seemed okay. Sure it was scary, but I could do it. The e-course and the forum gave me the tools. Kind of like a parachute and protective goggles
“If you’re reading this right now, I know you’re scared. I know how fear can paralyze, what it can say to you. It’s scary stuff. But that’s at the heart of it: it’s just fear. And fear really isn’t as big as it thinks it is when you shine the light on it. If you work hard at taking care of your feelings around this transition, you will get to the other side. And it’s more beautiful and rich and full than you could ever imagine and nothing like fear could have ever predicted!
- Ashley B.