How Will I React If My Child is Gay?

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lesbian wedding
I've always had a checklist for my childrens' future mates. Gender never made the cut.

I can think of many words to describe myself. I’m a southerner. A Christian. Conservative. But most of all, I'm a mom. So when New York legalized gay marriage, my reaction was swift and predictable.

I was relieved.

Okay, maybe not so predictable. My husband, for one, was a bit surprised, even though he knows I'm an advocate for gay (translation: equal) rights. Once I reassured him that my relief was not due to some secret desire to divorce him and remarry a lady, we had a great talk about why, as a mother, the legalization of gay marriage is important to me.NY Couples Celebrate Gay Marriage Ruling

For the sake of understanding my perspective, let me explain that I believe several things. First, I don't think being gay is a choice. Secondly, I don't believe it's reversible. Third, I will always love my kids with my whole heart. No matter what. (I have an infant, a tween and a toddler. If I can love them at these ages, I know I can love them always.)

The reality of it is that sometimes straight, conservative, Christian moms who are amazing parents have gay babies. While my kids all seem pretty gender typical thus far and haven't given me any reason to suspect they're homosexual (although, shoot, remember they're a toddler, an infant, and a tween…they're currently non-sexual, period), I’ve asked myself how I'd react if they ever came out of the closet.

When you're pregnant you run through all kinds of scenarios in your head. You ask your partner if you'd keep the baby if it had Downs Syndrome. (Yep.) You wonder if they’ll go to college. (Damn well better.) And you spend a lot of time daydreaming about the amazing lives they're going to lead. So of course you consider their future mate.

My husband and I once defined what we expected out of our childrens' future spouses. It's a pretty short list. We're praying that each of our children finds someone who:

  • Is a Christian
  • Sees our child for who they truly are
  • Loves every bit of that person
  • Treats our child with respect
  • Goes through life with integrity
  • Is educated
  • Is a non-felon
  • Has likeable parents

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