My Faith Is Keeping Me Single


Women with Bible
Dating is a little more complicated when you're following God's list of deal breakers.

I've been told physical attraction is often faulty, and that instantaneous sparks can be deceiving and extremely messy. I try to ignore initial chemistry, too. Right from the beginning, my analytical mind asks: Why make it complicated when we can make it very, very simple?

Unfortunately, this rationale always seems to make me very, very single, too—because I have a lot of deal breakers. Even though I hate to think of it that way. I wish I could give any guy a chance. But I can't.


My lengthy list of deal breakers is what I'm always thinking about when I meet a guy. That's what I was thinking about when I was sitting next to... let's just call him "John." To briefly set the scene, we were outside on a perfectly picturesque fall day, having a perfectly pleasant conversation. He wasn't hiding his interest in me either, so I knew where this was headed. Naturally, I pulled out my mental litmus test—the list of deal breakers. 10 More Dating Deal Breakers To Ignore

Now, I could go on and tell you how we got there. I could tell you what John looked like, what he sounded like, what he was wearing. But none of that matters, because it only took two words to bring down any potential relationship possibilities: "I'm Jewish."

It was over on that same day, because I forgot to tell you: My list of deal breakers is also God's.

Religion is just the first in a long line of other deal breakers based on my Christian faith. "You are not called to missionary dating," writer-and-minister Max Lucado writes. Essentially, what he is saying is that I shouldn't date someone from outside my faith and hope they will convert. Then, Lucado advises, "Marry someone who loves God more than you do." So, not only do I need a guy who calls himself a Christian, I need one who walks the walk—I need a guy who helps me love God more fully. Converting To A New Religion Before Marriage

It only gets harder from there.

Next, we have a verse from 1 Corinthians: "Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body" (6:18, NLT). Premarital sex? God isn't having it. He also isn't an advocate of other modern dating staples like alcohol, as it often distracts from a purpose-filled life: "What sorrow for those who get up early in the morning looking for a drink of alcohol and spend long evenings drinking wine to make themselves flaming drunk" (Isaiah 5:11). Ouch. Then, there is that tough bit about husbands being the head of the household and wives honoring that: "Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord" (Ephesians 5:23). If I am supposed to follow my husband, I want to know he will lead my down the right path. If I feel that's not going to happen with a certain guy, then I'm not sticking around.

That's a lot to think about during a first meeting, or even a few dates after, while also trying to bat away feelings of attraction and figure out if you share common ground.

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