5 Worst First Dates Ever

Contributor
Love, Heartbreak

New website lets you vent about your horrible dates to the world.

They say you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince. I say, why kiss the frogs in the first place? Just send them on their merry way after you've figured out they're completely psycho. I once went on a "drinks thing" (I don't even want to call it a date) with a guy who very plainly told me "I will buy you a drink, but if you order any food, you'll have to pay for it yourself." Needless to say, I never spoke to him again. Win $550 Worth Of Luxury Goods From Henri Bendel!

Enter new U.K.-based website First Date Hell, started by writer Rhodri Marsden. If the site had existed back when I deigned to have drinks with this doofus, I would have definitely tweeted about it to @FirstDateHell, which now has almost 6,000 followers. Looks like peeps need an outlet to vent about their horrible dates, and I can't blame them. Here are some of my favorites:

1. @Kristainchicago First date. asked my age. Me: "32, why?" Him: "Well, I really want kids and at 32, your ovaries are dying."

Number one, you do not ask someone their age point-blank. You figure it out through Facebook or when they graduated from college or such. Second, your ovaries don't start dying until much later, you sexist doucheface.

2. @JessicaRoseJR One boy texted me the complete lyrics to "hit me baby one more time" replacing the word "hit" with "text". I did not respond.

Is this the 90s? Maybe if he had texted a Katy Perry lyric, that would have been fine (no, no it wouldn't have been). 

3. @JipJipperson went to hers. Saw a 'shrine' to her exes. She asked to lick my eyeball. Said it'd turn me on. She did. It didn't. I left.

Why did you go to her place on the first date? Why didn't you bolt after the shrine to the exes, but before the eyeball-licking? Clearly you're shopping in the crazy department too.

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