A Gal's Guide To Breaking Up

A Gal's Guide To Breaking Up

A Gal's Guide To Breaking Up

crying woman and phone
A roundup of YourTango's best breakup advice.

At YourTango our mission is to help you live your best love life. We help you set up your online dating profile. We give you tips on how to rock a first date, and we weigh in when it comes time for your 51st date. Is he the one? We try to help you figure that out and, when you finally say "I do," we give advice on how to make it last. But sometimes, love doesn't last. Sometimes things just don't work out—and we have your back then, too. Over the years we've published many a break-up-advice post—so many in fact, that we've taken our favorite tips and created a breakup cheat sheet. For your edification, our top ten breakup posts and what they recommend.

1. Revel In Your Post-Breakup Misery—The Healthy Way. Wallowing in the wake of a breakup can cause a person to engage in unfortunate, self-destructive behavior: rebound sex... binge drinking... a snack-food-aisle overload... all things that will only leave you feeling worse. Instead of succumbing to that downward spiral, engage in some of these healthier activities. They'll make that post-breakup period—dare we say it?—fun, and may even get your mind off what just happened.

2. Perhaps Indulge In A Bit Of Bad Behavior. Then again, if the cure to what ails you is breaking all the post-breakup rules, have we got the how-to post for you. Drink a lot, sleep with other guys, develop a shopping addiction and more.

3. Turn To Some Great Breakup-Related Resources. It's our hope that when you're struggling with love—or with the recent loss of love—YourTango will be one of the first things you turn to. That and your friends, your family, your tissue box and perhaps a bag of Hershey's Kisses. But there are several other pretty fantastic resources you can use, among them a breakup activity book, a list of best breakup songs, self-defense classes and... um... voodoo dolls.

4. Focus On Yourself. It's time to ease up on the smack talk and get real. Spare your friends the victim speech. In fact, stop being a victim. Instead, focus on living the best life possible: a life that can be sustained without him.

5. Put Things In Perspective. As you're mourning your breakup, you may feel as if you're in the midst of the greatest tragedy that ever was. Putting things into perspective will help you move past them. For example, if he doesn't think you're right for each other, than he's not the right one for you. If things are ending, then something was broken. In the grand scheme of things, this will be but a blip in the story of your life. Something better is out there for you.

6. Rebuild Your Identity. In relationships, we often adopt our partner's habits, hobbies and friends, which is why we can feel so unmoored upon breaking up. How do you rebuild a life after such a jarring change? How do you find who you were before the failed relationship, and how do you establish who you are now? Turn to your support network... and to spend some time with yourself. Get to know the real you all over again.

7. Survive—And Move On From—Your Breakup. As painful as a breakup can be, you'll survive it. As our mothers often told us over the years when we were feeling particularly angsty: "This, too, shall pass." But we're hoping that you'll do more than just survive. Set a time limit on all your wallowing, and then begin to move on. Consider how to ensure that your next relationship is better. Throw yourself into life again. Lean on others. And—most importantly of all—don't look back.

8. Don't Prolong The Misery. We've seen it before. We've done it before. We've tried staying friends. We've slept together one last time. We've continued seeing mutual friends, and have checked in to see what's up on Facebook. While some exes can evolve into friends, trying desperately to hang onto him and keeping in him your life—in whatever capacity possible—will only make the healing process more impossible.

9. Eradicate Him From Your Electronic Life. There's no need for you to see that he hung out with Krissy the other night, or that he poked Tamara last week. Delete him from your phone, your Facebook account, your life and watch the supportive electronic missives roll in.

10. Break Up With Your Ex. Oftentimes, despite trying to move on, and despite new love, we remain stuck on our ex. It's time for some tough love. Here's how you can break up with your ex once and for all.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.
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