Why I Don't Believe In "The One"


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This writer believes in traditional love and marriage, she just doesn't believe "The One" exists.

It's a concept far older than you or me. It's the romantic ideal we think of as "true love." It's a comfort, isn't it, to think of The One?

Often we perceive romantic love in that made-only-for-me way. When the time is right, when the stars align, we're going to meet that one other person who fixes everything and makes life magic. The Magic of Intimacy


It sounds great, right? To me, the idea of The One definitely does. Only thing is, I don't believe in it.

Call me cynical. (I have friends who do.) Considering my extremely traditional background and my evangelical beliefs, I guess people think I'm someone who feels destiny is always at play; that I'm fated for one idealistic relationship with one perfect-for-me guy. Shocking, maybe, that it's not the case. Despite my certainty that God's plan will play the main role in my future love story, I am still a realist. The One just doesn't fly with me. How Do You Set Realistic Expectations In A Relationship?

When I was younger, I thought of love as the solution that brought total happiness. But today my romantic sensibilities are certainly not wired the way they were back then. I believed I'd find The One at a relatively young age (with maybe a little effort but nothing too strenuous), and he'd bring sense to everything. I'd understand why I needed The One to fill the gaps in my life, bringing clarity to gray areas and excitement to dull days. I'd understand why I had to wait for him. I'd understand what made love the inspiration behind fairy tales and chart-topping songs. It would be, dare I say, perfect.

The One was a beautiful idea. But as I got older, I began to analyze it. I decided that love doesn't work that way, and we can't expect it to. The One is a flawed notion. It's problematic, and I can't call myself a believer anymore. Are You the One for Me?: Knowing Who's Right and Avoiding Who's Wrong

At some point in my early adulthood, logic set in: there are approximately six billion people on the planet. That's six with nine zeroes. About 2.5 billion of those are males—males who populate Earth right now. Then, there are hundreds of millions of men in a date-appropriate age range for me. There are millions who speak my language and who probably have my same values and desires from life. So I'm guessing there are at least a few I could get along with...and even feel some sparks.

It's true for everyone. There has to be more than one man or woman with whom we'd be compatible. It all depends who you meet first, or at all, and if the time and circumstances are right. A Good Marriage May or May Not Be Compatible

I learned the hard way. A few years ago, I met a great guy at the wrong time and in the wrong context. He was agnostic. I am a committed Christian. But we clicked. It was intense for me—electric, easy. The first time we met, I wasn't ready for a relationship. I was too full of pride and self-sufficience, and I pushed him away. The second time we met, he was with someone else.

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