Do you suspect you're a sugar mama?
It's official. The age of the female gold digger is over. These days, it's men who are dating women for their money. So how do you know if a man is after you or your wallet? YourTango's top experts dish on the seven telltale signs that he's dating you for your money.
1. You've got sugar-mama potential.
Whether you're a partner in a law firm, a successful entrepreneur or simply one of the many women who is very good at her job and is well-compensated for her skills, any lady of means is a possible sugar mama.
It's not just women who are successful in business. Recent widows and divorcees can become providers as well.
"Perhaps [the potential sugar mama's] spouse has died and she was left a significant amount of money. Sometimes she is financially secure due to her divorce settlement. Other times, she's the successful career woman," says dating and relationship coach Julie Spira.
2. He pays for things … at first.
Psychologist Dr. Diana Kirschner takes it in the opposite direction by stressing that he'll be a total gentleman when you first meet. Then, all bets are off. She mentions that "If the person is a true gold digger, it can be hard to tell in the beginning because he's often are putting on a full-court press in order to win you."
Spira backs this up by saying that these charming men will pull out all of the stops just so you'll fall for them. First, they'll pay for everything until you're interested, and then BAM. They reveal their true identity.
But there's more. She confirms that "Often they will pretend to have their own money, but in reality, they are borrowing from Visa to pay Mastercard [so they can] finance the relationship until you're hooked."
Eventually he'll stop paying for things and assume that you'll provide and pay for things most or all of the time.
3. He has expensive tastes.
Does he only like to go to the fanciest restaurants? Does he have a penchant for Dolce and Gabbana? Is he hounding you about taking a trip to Tuscany?
According to dating and relationship coach Nicole Johnson, "A man is dating you for your pecuniary prestige if he consistently proposes you go shopping together, makes continual references about traveling with you or constantly suggests going out to expensive venues."
It's easy to go from talking about future romantic trips to suddenly paying for vacations. That's why Julie Spira advises "If you're concerned someone is dating you for your money, leave your wallet and purse behind." Don't let yourself fall into the trap of buying or accepting extravagant gifts.
4. He has financial troubles, and they're never his fault.
This next one is a doozy. If you suspect that your man is dating you for your money, finding out whether or not he's in a lot of debt or if he's borrowed money (and not repaid the loan) is crucial." The first step? According to Kirschner, you must "get them to talk about their last serious relationship or marriage and how it ended. You can find clues there."
Beware of the man who doesn't accept responsibility for his lack of funds or poor credit score. Usually, he'll blame his problems on another woman or a previous spouse. If you fall for that, the next empty bank account could be yours.
5. He asks you for money. All the time.
Asking for a loan is a sign that he may see you as a cash machine rather than a real love interest. If you suspect this is the case, talk to him about his financial situation.
Spira makes the case for why conversations about finances must take place in any relationship. "You need to know how you would be sharing expenses and his values towards spending, credit and savings."
6. He's a total deadbeat.
Ladies, use your common sense. Being unemployed or working part-time doesn't mean a guy is a gold digger. But if he doesn't have career ambitions and is content to spend your money, that's a red flag.
Kirschner warns that guys who want your money might dream big in terms of your future together, but earn little and have no plans to amp up their career. Also, Johnson advises women to watch out for the guy who "encourages you to enjoy your opulence [and doesn't] support fiscal responsibility."
7. You just have this feeling.
Above all else, listen to your instincts.
If you're seeing a majority of these signs in your relationship, you might be dating a financial opportunist. But not all monetarily impaired men are out for your cash; a man who relies on your money can make a wonderful husband and boyfriend.