My libido has never been particularly off the charts but, lately, I've come to feel that—due to the perpetually barren desert between my legs—I'll never find my way out of this vast Sahara of a sex life. It's disconcerting. It's frustrating. But I'm not the only one.
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If that doesn't make you feel any better (or at least less alone), then you should know that those low female libido levels are almost inevitable. After all, the cards are stacked against us! Your sex drive can be affected by a (huge) number of things, including stress, exhaustion, low body image, performance anxiety, depression, the medications used to treat depression, birth control pills, medical conditions such as chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia, menopause, previous sexual abuse, and… well… really inept foreplay. Who among us hasn't experienced multiple items on that list, some of them simultaneously? Not Tonight: What's Behind Your Lackluster Libido
And yet, despite being innocent victims of our own bodies, we still feel guilty. Self-conscious. Weird. Yup. Even in the midst of not wanting to get it on, many of us wish desperately that we… well… wanted to get it on.
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Luckily, you can turn your libido around—and you don't need a pill to do it. By simply attempting sex more often—despite how unaroused you may be feeling—you can train yourself to want it more. That's why sex therapists like Ian Kerner suggest that couples try to have sex at least once a week. Beyond that, however, you can trick your libido into overdrive by doing the following five things:
1. Foreplay… all day long. We're not suggesting that you grope each other throughout the day, patting bums and grabbing boobs. Because when it comes to desire, it's about more than just the physicality of skin on skin. That's why it's tough for some of us to get turned on by a quick caress of the arm, followed by a beeline toward the boobage. Rather, we need to feel desired, lusted after, and… appreciated. Make a habit of flirting throughout the day, and making those small gestures that show you care—things like folding his socks for him or picking up his favorite (sort of disgusting) snack from the supermarket. Feeling appreciated will most likely make him want to show his appreciation, too, making your days a non-stop love-fest. But either way, even the act of making these small gestures can be enough to remind you why you're with this guy, and how much you love him.