Sexual Anorexia: The Opposite Of Sex Addiction?
Is sexual anorexia the flip side of sex addiction? We asked the experts.
Can you compare our desire for sexual intimacy to, say, our need for food? And, if so, is sexual anorexia the opposite of sex addiction?
Believe it or not, even though "lack of sex" isn't an official cause of death, experts are divided on this issue. The question recently popped up in the New York Times: A reader asked whether willingly "starving yourself" with too little sex is a real disorder (not just something that happens when you're too depressed to leave your house because you've just been dumped, it's snowing and Real Housewives of Dallas is on. Why isn't there a Real Housewives of Dallas yet?) 1 In 4 Americans Are Too Tired For Sex
Quoth the reader: "It strikes me that having little or no sex, denial of eroticism, placing life-curbing restrictions on sex or sex partners should be considered just as much of a problem as too much sex."
Dr. Drew Pinsky (of VH1's Sex Rehab With Dr. Drew fame) chimed in that, yes, so-called "sexual anorexia" is a real and serious problem. It's the flip side of sexual addiction, in fact: "Many times patients with sexual addictions and compulsions will have a 'bipolar,' so to speak, swing to their sexual desire, in which they may move between periods of intense sexual activity followed by periods of sexual anorexia." 4 Things You May Not Know About Sex Addiction
There is no direct biological or medical explanation for the symptoms of sexual anorexia, says Drew, but "certain medications, the recent delivery of a child, breast-feeding and perimenopause or menopause are terribly common culprits and have medical treatments." Postpartum Depression: How To Beat The Baby Blues
YourTango's Director of Marketing & Business Development, Melanie Gorman, a former relationship counselor, agrees with him.
"I absolutely think it exists," she says. "It's just as hard for a loving couple to have the absence of intimacy in their relationship as it is when someone is crippled with the need (or addiction) for more intimacy than they can find in the relationship. If you think of the sexual energy between a couple as the water that keeps them hydrated, the absence or the inclusion of too much will cause something between them to die." New Hope For Women With Sexual Dysfunction
Interesting. So at what point does a compulsion become an actual medical problem? After all, this is the country that declared "binge shopping" a disorder. Am I sick for really liking Diet Coke? Can sexual anorexia credibly be called a medical disorder the way real anorexia obviously is? Don't Settle For Pleasure-less Sex
I have the opposite problem...I'm in a relationship, it's been almost 2yrs. at the end of this month. My boyfriend seems to never need sex...I find that troubling. Even worse when we do engage, he'd rather know that I've been pleased and go without!!!! This is very disturbing to me!!!! Can anyone advise??? Is it natural for a man to have such a low sex drive????
There are lots of reasons for a guy to have a low sex drive. You should talk to him about it.
He could be depressed or anxious about something. Or very tired.
It could be that you want it more, so he never has to go after it. Then it starts to seem like he doesn't want it. Or he might feel pressured, so he loses touch with wanting it himself.
He could be out of shape physically. If he's older, he could be aging.
He could be using porn to the point where he can't get another erection.
Once you know more about what's going on with him, you can figure out a way to work on it.
I agree with Dr. Read. I don't believe in sexual anorexia as a disease.
Some people deliberately focus their lives on other things and strive for complete celibacy. That's not an illness, it's what they're called to.
Many other people go through times in their lives when they have to limit their sexual activity.
Our society tends to think that having sex and enjoying your sexual energy is healthy, but we have the benefits of birth control and modern medicine. Suppressing your sex drive may have been a good thing to do at some times in the past, or even now.
Not wanting sex in the first place is completely different from trying to starve yourself of sex. People go through times in their lives when they just don't want it that much. That's not an illness, although sometimes it's a sign of problems you should work on like depression, fatigue, or problems with your partner. And if you wish you wanted it more, it's a problem. Even if you don't want to want sex, if you're in a relationship, you might want to try to want it more because you'll probably be happy if you do.
