Tomfoolery

Evolution Favors Bad Boys Over Nice Guys

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Nice guys finish last because women love bad boys. Thanks, evolution.

Our buddies at Asylum say that women like their men like their coffee: dark. More accurately, a study shows that college dudes with the "dark triad" of personality traits (treacherous, lying and death-defying) sleep with more chicks. Classic bad boys vs nice guys issue here, and true to the saying, the nice guys finish last.

Evidently, evolution favors the kind of guy who would slime his way into your loincloth, "finish" quickly and swing out of the cave on a vine. That guy has an opportunity to spread his seeds far and wide. Evidently, that's why there are so many jerkwads and ass-hats walking around today.

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It's easy to see why tough-cookies, jag-offs and lying liars who always lie do well with ladies and therefore spawn more progeny. I'll break it down:

Untruthiness: Lying to a girl about intentions, income level and being BFF with Ashton Kutcher is a really good way to get to the sexing.  

Cocky of the walky: For the most part, we're programmed to believe that when a guy is into himself, it's for a good reason until proved otherwise. Confidence, per that guy from the Old Spice commercial, is pretty sexy. 

Let's get dangerous: Evidently, there's some link between the chemicals involved in danger and the chemicals of attraction. Part of the reason ladies like a man in uniform. Plus guys into extreme sports, fighting and motorcycle-ery, generally have abs that are not unpleasant to the eye, hand, mouth, stomach, lower back and soles of feet (if you're nasty).

But this isn't totally your fault, ladies. For the most part, us dudes like Tucker Max (who claims he doesn't lie) even if we don't wholesale agree with his modus operandi. That is to say, if these dudes weren't attractive to men as well, they probably wouldn't have made it to 2010 in such numbers. Is there a solution to dirt bags inheriting the Earth? Maybe jerks should be a little nicer. Maybe ladies should become more attracted to real sweet guys. Maybe us pansies should stop being such a bunch of pansies.

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That's pretty unrealistic; it looks like dickwads may outlive humanity. Oh well, better luck next species. Or just maybe, these college students who admit to having deceitful personalities may be lying about how many babes they've bedded. Ranked: John Mayer's Douchiest Comments

There's a speech from Team America: World Police that we should play here but it's more or less too crass for this setting.

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