Sometimes he's just not in the mood either.
Men sometimes don't want to have sex. There, I've said it. The secret is out.
It is true. Sometimes men don't feel like having sex. Or even more serious, sometimes men stop wanting sex. In a long term serious or committed relationship, this can be a problem. Not only for the man, but for his partner as well.
Most women don't ask why. They don't bring it up. And they don't talk about it with their friends.
"All of my friends complain that their husbands constantly bug them for sex," said Sandra, 40. "My husband and I haven't had sex in almost two years. I am so embarrassed. I don't talk about it. Not with my friends, and not with him. We just don't address it."
And this is common. Men wont talk about it if you don't. And there are several reasons that men stop having sex, all of which can be remedied, if the subject can be broached in a loving and supportive way. Talking about the lack of sex in your relationship is the first step.
There are usually one of three reasons that men stop wanting sex in a relationship.
Men who are stressed at work and experiencing high levels of pressure to perform at their jobs may find that sex adds another level of performance pressure that they just cant handle.
Instead of using sex as a way to relieve pressure, men may add it to the list of things they must accomplish. In this instance, help your man relax; let him know that you understand his daily grind, and that you don't want him to feel pressure in bed. He may be able to let down his guard long enough to enjoy a sensual massage and a hot sexy bath with you. This can remind him that sex can be a way to come down from the tension of his day.
2. They are experiencing some sort of sexual dysfunction; either premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction.
This may be a temporary situation, or it can be a long term problem. When men experience sexual malfunction they go into an anxiety loop — fearing that it will happen every time, the anxiety about it happening actually causes it to happen.
This behavioral and cognitive mind-loop is difficult to break. Talking about it with your partner can help reduce fear. Remind him that it doesn't matter so much that you get to the finish line every time, what is important to you is just being in the game = together.
(Note: It is crucial that you help your partner seek medical treatment if he is experiencing any type of sexual dysfunction. Getting a full workup, assessing medications, and having a prostate exam can prevent long term and potentially fatal problems. After an exam, talk about how you can work together to alleviate some of the sex issues between you, either with a sex therapist or on your own.)
3. There is something that they are not telling you.
This is actually the least common reason of all. Men can many times have a sexual relationship even if they are experiencing other feelings. But some men are not as good at compartmentalizing. It could be they are not happy in your relationship, or they could be resentful about something that happened months ago. They might be insecure about your sex life and wonder about whether or not they please you. They might be worried about your ex-boyfriend texting you.
It is crucial to keep all the lines of communication open in your erotic relationship. Remind your partner that he can talk to you about his feelings, and that without your sexual connection, you miss the intimacy in your relationship.
Don't assume that because he's the one who stops having sex that he has all of the answers. Talk to him and find out what is going on in his mind, in his body and in his heart. Connect with him about why he is not in the mood for sex, and this conversation may be your most important foreplay.