Skip The Soul Mate, Find A Trophy Husband
Opinion: High-powered women have something to learn from men with trophy wives.
Since creation, man has been an entity unto himself and woman has been his counterpart. First, God made man; then he made him a girlfriend. Men are the protagonists of our children's stories, the majority of our doctors, generals and CEO's, the president, Jesus, God, Allah and Buddha. All "men" are created equal. To deny that man is the dominant gender is to deny our vernacular, religion, culture and art.
It's no surprise, then, that men traditionally perceive themselves as fully functioning individuals with or without a partner. Men want and seek long-term companionship, but these relationships aren't necessary to their sense of self. They have learned to feel complete regardless of whether they are sharing their lives with someone. In fact, the more successful the guy, the more it seems he pairs off with a woman who is no more than a pretty face: a trophy wife.
Women, on the other hand, have historically learned to feel incomplete without a man. We've seen companionship as essential to our sense of self, in some instances, above and beyond our own happiness. The cultural messages around us still reinforce that, regardless of whatever else we accomplish, our primary purpose is to find a mate.
However, marriage patterns are changing. A recent Pew study revealed that from 1970-2007 a larger share of wives surpassed their husbands' income and education levels. The study elicited a slew of articles about how men now benefit more from marriage than women, and how women are "victims" (The New York Times' choice of words) of this role reversal.
According to a Times article entitled "More Men Marrying Wealthy Women," successful women like Dr. Rajalla Prewitt, a 38-year-old psychiatrist in New Jersey, are "having difficulty finding someone where there's a meeting of the minds, where [they] can have the same goals and values." How To Fall In Love With Mr. Good Enough
But what if the very notion of marriage as "a meeting of minds" is problematic? Perhaps Dr. Prewitt's life is rich enough without a soul mate. Men who are similarly accomplished will often settle for a wife who is attractive and pleasant, but not an intellectual match. A man doesn't need a partner to validate him, so it doesn't matter if her brains don't measure up to his. Maybe that's why Donald Trump keeps marrying models. He has his ambitions, his social network, golf...he doesn't need much else. Women want their partner to have it all. If Dr. Prewitt were to look for a less significant significant other, might her dating pool widen?
Are you a man-hater, or just a hater. First of all, this is not the Stone Age. Men don't go clubbing the most attractive woman and carry her off. The women come to them (much like you were saying at the end) for whatever reason. It's very much an "agreement". These women know they are beautiful and most play off that. They know if they are a celebrity or not. Some even do that to BOOST their career. This kind of behavior even happens on MUCH lower levels. In high schools and junior highs, there are females that will "date" someone least in a popular group in order to have a shot or get closer to "the popular guy": kind of like a stepping stone. What are guys going to do when they see this beautiful or potential filled person pawing at them?
Take Amber Rose for instance: her name was never thrown around or really heard of until Kanye scooped her up. Now, you have people talking solely about what SHE is doing. There never would have been a question if she was hot or not before Kanye. At best, she would have been another video chick with a bald head.
Bottom line, being a "trophy wife" is an occupation and these women would be naive to think they weren't with some of these high profile guys: especially if they already have a reputation. As far as men... forget about it. If a guy sees a hot woman that wants him and can boost his crappy career (K-Fed) they are going to POUNCE like Mufasa from Lion King!
Study after study after study have shown women look for men based on perceived income. So this article makes a claim that one study showed women find physical attractiveness more important, but that sounds hard to believe and is very dependent on how well the study was setup.
Overall I don't see the reverse happening. Men usually will not sell themselves for money as women will. That's essentially what these young trophy wives are doing. It's legal prostitution. Surely there are some guys that would do that but it's hard to picture many. The types of guys that would do that would probably tend to be lazy and if that's the case I doubt they'd look too great.
Like most women, you fail to grasp the obvious. And that's why men are in charge: http://manhood101.com/principles101.pdf
I'm reading this sorta along the line with Lyz....
The "no room for equals" thing could be true for high powered people...what's that saying about too many Chiefs and not enough Indians?
So, it's not exactly PC, but these are the articles that get the most reactions...it is her opinion.
Okay, I'm throwing up in my mouth now.
Settling for a sex partner instead of someone you can love is bad for anybody. Why copy the likes of Donald Trump and Madonna? Are they happily married?
Not to mention that 99.9% of us are never going to be rich enough to marry hot bimbos. Which is probably a good thing.
And really, I think most men do feel incomplete without a life partner.
Men and women are attracted to people for their looks. Men and women are happier if they can find someone to love for more than their looks.
I hear what you are saying BookMama, but I also think that the article is right on in the sense that people expect the person they marry to be their ONE AND ONLY for EVERYTHING and that is so not the case. I think the article is saying to ease up on the whole soul mate thing and find someone that you like, get a long with and so what if you can't talk to him about EVERYTHING that's why you have friends. Or maybe I am reading into it what I want to read into it :)
I think you guys are being too nice. The author didn't say look for a younger guy with less money or a guy who's smart but not ambitious or a guy who wants to raise your children.
She said:
"Men who are similarly accomplished will often settle for a wife who is attractive and pleasant, but not an intellectual match. A man doesn't need a partner to validate him, so it doesn't matter if her brains don't measure up to his. Maybe that's why Donald Trump keeps marrying models."
That's toy boy land.
And I actually think a lot of top CEOs and professional men do need partners who are as smart as they are. Their wives are often part of their success. Maybe the ones who settle for models aren't actually that intellectual themselves.
Anyhow, all the smart guys I know want wives who are smart. It makes life nicer for them.
I don't know if its always nice. I mean my husband is definitely smarter than me, but he is smart about something completely different and so out of my field that we often don't discuss it much and we don't discuss what I do too much and in depth and I find it nice to be able to take a break with him. He's not always trying to give me advice and vice versa. It's nice to have a relationship where you let your spouse have their space.
