Dating got you down? How to stay positive about the single life.
Over the past year I went on many dozens of dates with dozens of men and what did I get for all of my efforts? Nada. Sure, I had some fun—lots of nights out for drinks and a few great dinners. Single life does have its upside. But here I am, over twelve months later, and I'm not one step closer to being in a relationship.
Not that I'm throwing in the towel—just the opposite. In fact, tonight I'm meeting a friend out for drinks, and our plan is to flirt our way through downtown Manhattan (or at least a bar or two). And I just updated my online dating profile, again. I had a year of bad luck, so what?
I'm often reminded of the old joke that Woody Allen tells in Annie Hall: "This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, 'Doc, my brother's crazy. He thinks he's a chicken,' and the doctor says, 'Well, why don't you turn him in?' And the guy says, 'I would, but I need the eggs.'"
That's kind of how it is with me and dating. Sometimes I'm absolutely certain that going out again and again is crazy, not to mention time-consuming, stressful, frustrating, humiliating and expensive (all those mani-pedis!). But I keep doing it, date after date after date, because I haven't stopped hoping that the next great love of my life is just one date away.
I guess I need the eggs.
By now I have probably been on more dates than 99.5 percent of the earth's population (and, oh how I wish I were joking) so I've learned a little something about it, including how to stay positive, even when it seems like your last good date was six months and/or a few dozen romantic dinners ago. Here are seven ways to stay upbeat in the face of dating dreariness.
1. Be picky. Nothing makes dating more tedious than going out with guys who you're probably not going to like. Sure it's good to have an open mind, but lower your standards too much and you'll end up with night after night of bad dates.
2. Have a life. See your friends and family. Do the things you love (hobbies, exercise, curl up with a good book, whatever). Don't let dating consume all of your free time. 10 Hobbies To Increase Your Sex Appeal
3. Date against type. Yeah, I know that may seem like a contradiction to number one. I'm not suggesting you look lower, I'm saying look wider. Try dating a type of guy who you've never considered before. For example, I've recently gone on several dates with younger guys (new territory for me). Maybe you've always gone for brainy-academic types in the past. It won't kill you to try a date with a guy whose favorite book was The DaVinci Code. He might surprise you.
4. Break your habits. Meeting all of your dates at the corner Starbucks may seem practical and easy, but it gets monotonous fast. One of the best things about dating can be discovering new bars, cafes and restaurants in addition to new men.
5. Treat yourself. Dating can be a great excuse (not that you need one!) to buy new lipstick, get your nails done, or splurge on a hot new pair of red shoes. Ah, red shoes…
6. Remember why you're dating in the first place. I find it helpful to remind myself, frequently, that the rewards of a good relationship far outweigh the stress or humiliation of any bad date (or string of bad dates). You're the tortoise here, not the hare.
7. Give yourself a vacation from dating (i.e, take a break). Your dating vacation should have a set beginning and end. Maybe it's a month, maybe more, maybe less. Decide how long of a vacation you need and then do it. As with any good vacation, you'll return refreshed and renewed, only maybe a little more horny. 3 Ways To Change Your Bad Dating Attitude
Single ladies, what do you do when you're suffering from dating burnout?