Jeez Louise. We're less than a month into 2010 and Jack Bauer has already been dragged back into the CTU fold, escaped torture, saved the life of a foreign head-of-state and uncovered a mole. If they keep up this pace for the next 20 hours, I'll be exhausted just watching 24.
In a predictable meme, the Jack Bauer joke has surpassed the Chuck Norris jab in terms of hilariousness and poignancy. Example: Jack Bauer found out that Keifer Sutherland was playing him and immediately shot Sutherland because nobody plays Jack Bauer. Delightful, right?
At any rate, Jack Bauer is an American hero, and here's why he would be the ideal husband as well:
1. Jack Bauer gets results. First and foremost, JB gets things done. If the contractor working on your home tries to pull the wool over your eyes, then may God have mercy on his soul.
2. Jack Bauer cleans up real nice. Most guys will piss and moan if you ask them to take you dancing after a 10-hour work day. Jack Bauer just showers, shaves and grabs a snack after a 20-month bid in a Chinese prison camp and is ready to rock n' roll and possibly kill terrorists.
3. Jack Bauer rarely puts things off. Jack Bauer lives by the motto "Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today." While Jack Bauer's priorities may not be the same as your own, he will rarely let something fall between the cracks. Also, it appears he carries lots and lots of batteries for his phone, so you can almost always check in.
4. Jack Bauer is willing to apologize. Over the years, Jack Bauer has broken a lot of eggs creating the omelette that is justice and safety, and he is a big enough man to sincerely apologize to the people he's hurt. Whether they're his estranged daughter or a friend whose wife he had to torture, he'll say sorry and mean it when he steps out of line. Read: CBS Sit-Coms And The Art Of The Apology
5. Jack Bauer can turn the other cheek. Jack Bauer has taken copious amounts of torture from world-class scumbags. So if you're a little moody or hormone-y, he can take it. You don't want to push Jack Bauer too far, though. He's from a town called Trigger Happy and periodically gets homesick. Read: Nag vs Nurture: Which Do You Do?
Little know fact about Jack Bauer: Jack Bauer's daughter, Kim, was conceived over the telephone. It was a very secure line. Read: 20 Hottest Men on Television
Image via Fox.com