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Even shy girls have a wild side. Explore it.
By lemondrop — Written on Jun 02, 2015
Admit it: Even if you're the type of girl who often defaults to missionary sex, you probably have a dark desire to explore your inner perv.
Well, you can. According to sexpert Emily Dubberley, a prolific sex writer and author of Friendly Fetish: A Beginner's Guide to Kink, all you need is a little push.
Even shy girls have a wild side (wink). Here are her sexy and spot-on tips for exploring your fetishes.
1. Find out what your kinks are.
As it turns out, bookworm types are well-equipped for a fetish-finding mission, which, not surprisingly, starts with research. First, find an erotic story that gets you off.
Next, as you're reading, look for what excites you and analyze why you're turned on. If you like tales of group sex, is it the thought of sex with lots of people or being watched that gets you off? "Start by exploring stuff in fantasy and discover where your limits lie," Dubberley says.
2. Always test the waters with someone you trust.
Once you've nailed your fantasy, it's time to introduce the topic to a partner you trust. If you fancy something but are afraid of what he'll think, leave an erotic hint on his bedside table and gauge his reaction.
If he's disgusted, Dubberley mentions that you can always backtrack and say, "I thought it was a bit odd, too." But if he's on board, recruit him to research the act with you.
For those interested in bondage, Dubberley recommends enrolling in a beginner's class. After all, tying knots can even be tricky for boy scouts, and there are all sorts of practical precautions used to avoid cutting off circulation and such.
She says "You'll need to know which bits of the body not to put pressure on." She stresses that "These are quite good things to know from a safety standpoint."
3. Safety ALWAYS comes first.
When making fantasy a reality, there are a few key rules: Don't be drunk, high or without a safe word. EVER.
Your physical and mental health are at stake — fetish acts can bring many underlying issues to the surface — and you don't want that bottle of wine to mask any danger.
Dubberley also advises talking through the entire act beforehand and going easy with equipment. For example, those interested in metal handcuffs might opt for spank ties, which boast foam-covered wire that lets you wriggle free.
And don't be distraught if your fantasy doesn't translate. Dubberley stresses that "You're experimenting. That does not mean you know what the result is going to be."
Then again, you might be a changed woman. She also says that "It's fantastically liberating, and also a way to work through lots of issues as well. If you've felt like you've been treated badly by men, you might find it empowering to give a bloke a spanking."
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Be safe out there, people!
This article was originally published at Lemondrop. Reprinted with permission from the author.