Guns, Nudity and Italian Grandmothers

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father with gun
Meeting the parents: tales of the "first time" gone wrong.

If you're lucky, the first time meeting your significant other's relatives generates a droll little tale about mispronouncing his mother's name or spilling red wine on Aunt Sue—minor embarrassments that fuel anecdotes to share with future children.

But, what if you find you are marrying into Appalachian forest people? What if your future father-in-law cops a feel during the introductory hug? What if you find yourself hanging out naked with your in-laws? Such are the stories Asylum readers recently shared on the men's website, and a surprising number of them had happy endings (meaning the couple married despite horrific first meetings).

One woman, a 30-year-old actress, had the chance to visit her first co-ed bath house and meet her boyfriend's parents at the same time. On a day off from working in Germany, she and her German boyfriend decided to hit the local baths, which she soon realized meant naked men and women comingling in a steamy room.

After getting used to the co-ed surroundings, I felt comfortable lounging and swimming in every pool completely naked. Until Alex and I were walking around and he said, "Oh there is my Dad, he's waving at us" and he calls him over. What do I do? I freaked and immediately did a cannon ball dive into the nearest pool like I was on fire. I think I managed to squeak out "Halo, wie gehts" from the pool, but I didn't speak very much German so mostly I just smiled and blushed as I sat naked in the pool.

The couple is now married, in part, she says because feeling comfortable walking around naked with a guy and his family "is a good sign you'll be able to handle anything that comes your way!"

Some of the other tales did not end quite so well. From those and other meet-the-parent horror stories, we've culled a list of things that never should transpire when first meeting a partner's family.

1. Grabbing of anything below the chin.

2. Inquiring after a person's pedigree.

3. Finding a physical imperfection and creating a fun, new nickname from it.

4. Talking about milking "just about anything with nipples." Greg.

5. Revealing the lack of knowledge that son/daughter has a significant other, let alone that you're meeting him/her.

On the other hand, one heartwarming Asylum tale included a potty-mouthed Italian grandmother informing her future grandson-in-law that the only work her deceased husband had allowed her do was "f**k." The couple is still happily married. As is the couple whose relationship began with the flash of a father's gun and the promise of death upon inappropriate touching.

Families are insane, no doubt, but marvelous in-laws happen when the insane fits.

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