5 Ways To Stop Being A Needy Girlfriend
Feeling clingy? We're here to help.
Askmen.com published a story this week about how to transform your needy, clingy girlfriend back into the cool chick she seemingly was when you first met her. Now, before you get all offended, let us tell you two things: 1) the author was a woman (by the name of Sharalyn Hartwell) and 2) we actually agree with her.
Hartwell's argument: That a woman becomes needy only when a man stops making her feel secure in the relationship, and that there are five very simple things a man can do to bring his girlfriend's sense of security back. Among them:
1. Do what you say you will do. Call when you say you'll call, make her believe you're a loyal boyfriend with a sense of follow-through.
2. Randomly clue her in. Share what you're thinking when she's not probing you for information, tell her about your thoughts and dreams, make her believe she's worthy of your secret thoughts. Which Love Language Do You Speak?
3. Not out of sight, out of mind. Give her a call or drop her a text when you're out with your friends to let her know that she's on your mind even when you're apart.
4. Maintain contact when out together. Catch her eye from across the room you're out together at a party, let her know that you know you have the best date in the room.
5. Prove you're observant. Let her know that you notice her appearance, give her suprise compliments, make it clear you appreciate her. Inner Beauty: What Men Don't Tell You
We like what Hartwell is saying to all the men out there who date clingy women. We think that the needy, clingy women of the world could use some tips of their own, however (after all, the best transformation techniques are those we can oversee ourselves, right?).
1. Have your own life. Remember what you were like when you and your boyfriend first met? You had friends, hobbies, and lots of things that were not centered around him. Make sure you're still keeping up with those things. Doing so will make you happier, more interesting to him, and less likely to fixate entirely on your relationship. In Love? Don't Forget Your Friends
2. Schedule things out. Having a weekly date night, a monthly day trip, or regular evening text session on both your schedules can give you the sense that things are less amorphous and provide both of you with something to look forward to. Secrets to a Happy Marriage
Discussion
I agree, neediness is a function of insecurities. If you can do things that focus on open communication neediness can be limited. However, people are different so naturally some may need more reassurance than others. So guys know your women haha.
Get a clue...guys are in it for sex.How few guys want relationships...then its all about them.Evolve ladies.Its about time.It isn't they don't understand or whatever..they just don't care and want things their way.That is why they always come out on top.They just let it go if it's not what they want ...and go fishing..all those other fish in the sea.
Ladies if you are clingy ,whiney...shame on you..get a backbone and grow up.
My appologies to the guys not like this...all 5 of them.It doesn't apply to you.
also;
nice person will get you a cup of coffee along with a couple of dollars.
Men want women with money or power to take care of them.They are the new age she males.Work,keep me,my house,my kids,take care of me...what we use to want in a guy.
Yes ladies..take care of yourself......and as for the guys their Mom,family and themselves will take care of them....and probably you.
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You have obviously had bad experiences with men. If you have not been lucky finding a good guy it is probably something to do with how you select men. Good men take care of and respect their women and themselves. So you need to have a look at yourself and ask yourself what is wrong with you. There are billions of guys on this planet..FIND A GOOD ONE!
This article is pure crap. I'm willing to guess the writer of this never ask's the hard questions. For instance, if you're a guy and a women is clingy to you. Ask her why she does this. The typical response I get is because of what other boyfriends have done this to her. Well ladies, congratulations you're human. Some douchebag treated you bad. Guess what, that wasn't me. Don't punish me for something somebody else did to you. Some have answered because I can't be without you. There are somethings in relationship's I'll put up with. Being whiny about spraining an ankle maybe one. Calling me or texting me every 10 seconds is not one of those things. I can't stand it, especially if I'm busy. Guys need you to be strong in your emotions too. We don't want to be there every second of your life. When we come home from work, we just want to relax. Spend a few hours sprucing up the yard. Call it a night. Not come home and listen to you whine about every last thing you can't take care of yourself. Come home, have a beer with us, let loose, and call it a night.
For the comments that boyfriends do this a year or two into the relationship: My advice, get rid of him. A good relationship should be that you can't wait to see each other. If he's not hat into you anymore then that means either: 1. He's already moved on from you(he's cheating on you) or 2. He flat doesn't want to be with you. Don't take the advice in this article. Don't put a tourniquet on a scratch and pretend it's gonna work. If he's not into you don't force it. It will only make it worse. Lay out your complaints with him then dump him. There are plenty of fish out in the sea. Go find Mr. Right not Mr. Pretend.
I find it amusing that this article was suppose to be about how a woman can avoid being clingy but started off by stating what GUYS have to do to help her not to be Clingy. Typical, its always something that guys do, or its something that guys don't do that cause woman to unstable and needy. What every happen to self responsibility? O ya Oprah, says it all mans fault so women can continue to act loony, be alone, eat hog-n-dos, and blame it all on men.
This was a great article with valid points that needed to be said. Or at least I feel I needed to hear them.
This article hit home! My boyfriend recently called me "needy" and wasn't quite sure where or how he came up with that. Now I have some insight on how he could think that I was needy. He used to text me or call me and let me know when he was going to be away from the phone or when he was going to be out with his friends. He'd say he needed me and now I don't get that as much. It's amazing how not doing those little things can make one feel insecure. Thanks for the article!
I believe that there is many points in a relationship where a female will be needy: PMS-regardless of what anyone says it happens and it makes me and probobly 90 % of woman insecure emotionaly (at some point). Interest-i.e. taking on a boyfriend/husband, kids, hobbies, and during this period it is imposible not to be needy. Most women need to adapt to what is needed of them for their families. Friends- Men can say that, "When I met her she was diffrent, she had a lot of friends, she would go out more, ect...". Men News alert: I don't think you would want us hanging out with most of the friends we had when we were single, or going most of the places that we went....then we would have another set of probloms. Work- If it feels like we don't know what drama the next day will hold it gets frustrating. Moral of the story-If it wasn't your women being needy it would be some other issue. So men be greatful that it is that she wants you around-or needs you around-if she didn’t, then that would be the issue we were commenting on.
Note to self;
You've lied long enough.....let it go.
You don't need confirmation, or proof, or an overwhelming guilt to get you past, or over this obstacle. Walk around it. Stay focused.
And always remain a civilized, respectful, kind, and courteous lady. Don't sweat it.
breathe.
I think it's good to say I love you every day. The problem is if you're pushing her, she won't want to, but if she isn't saying it, you'll get anxious and ask for it. Try sitting down with her and talking about how it can be a vicious cycle and you're sorry if you've put pressure on her. If you've been together a while, you could ask her to try to say it more often and then say you won't ask.
Lately I have realized I been acting clingy since I haven't been working as much and school is winding down and I lost touch with my friends but this is soooo helpful. I have been getting back to things I like to do and getting my own schedule...I think my boyfriend finds it really attractive too!
My now EX boyfriend of 4 years put me through such a confusing VERY emotional roller coaster... I almost had a breakdown. I just can't believe I let someone do that to me. I can relate to all your stories and had the exact same experience that you're all talking about. I felt like I was under his spell and knowing that our relationship was not healthy for me I still kept "hoping" that one day he would be really "in to me". Every time I pulled away and broke up with him he was right there and didn't want to let me go. The truth is that he didn't want me but didn't want anyone else to have me either. He just wanted his cake and eat it too.... go out with his friends and dance with other women when he knew I loved to dance and leave me alone at home...(we didn't live together...EVER!), ...wanted some of his weekends alone when we didn't even live together. And all that time I just felt like he was waiting for something better to come along which after talking to one of his good friends.... I found out that was exactly what it was. Ladies, it IS what it IS.... If he's not showing you or giving you what you want and he's not calling or showing you the attention that you want and acts like he doesn't want you around at times..... GET OUT!!! If I can do it I know anyone can..... I had the support from my friends and family and they all knew as well and kept telling me through the whole relationship but I wouldn't listen because I wanted to be with him. I realized how stupid I was at the time and now I realize how much HAPPIER I am...... Sooo.... Here's my advise..... If he's not everything you need or want and your not getting the attention that you deserve... LEAVE!! Bottom line..... focus on yourself and what you need to accomplish to make yourself happier. DON'T ANSWER THAT PHONE, TEXT, EMAIL ETC.... It's not gonna change. I can't tell you how many times I've seen my ex be very sweet to me to get me back and then BOOM! He was back to being a jerk! He cried (and I mean real tears too), begged and did what ever to get me back but then after he got me back to being "so into him" he was back to being his real self.... He's had 2 marriages before me..... and I think I know why his first wife drank all the time and his second one had to have a buzz everyday. The man is just too selfish to want to treat anyone GOOD but himself! No we never got married ... not even engaged. He's very selfish in a lot of ways and will never be able to keep a woman. So, ladies, find an UNSELFISH man, one that thinks of your needs as well and you will be much happier!!! So Step 1.... Tell him it's over. Step 2.... BE STRONG!! Step 3. Focus on yourself... your body... your job.... your friends... your family. Step 4 Keep smiling. Step 5 Remember that somebody still loves you very much... His name is Jesus. And above all.... more than anything... focus on HIM!!! P.S. I've started meeting men on dating sites that ARE looking for a relationship and marriage and I can tell you that it's 100 times better than meeting the ones in bars. I've tried that for about 20 years and NEVER found anything worth keeping. One thing I do need to say, DO NOT focus so much on the one your dating..... focus on YOUR life, what YOU want, and whether or not YOU like him, NOT worry if he likes YOU.... cause if you're doing just the unhealthy opposite chances are it's just and ego thing (like someone suggested to me and I realized that they were right) and you're just trying to when him over when it probably just isn't meant to be. There is someone out there for you that WILL be everything you want so stop wasting your time ladies. Life is waay to short to waste it on worrying, being confused, staying upset, being miserable, having to play detective, or whatever else crazy things you do that he makes you do just because he's not the one for you.... It's an ego thing... let it go. You'll WIN!!
I was going through similar situation two ago, and I decided to call it quits after discussing my problem with him and telling him sometimes it's just those little things that count in a relationship. The how's your day, good night, you look lovely today, etc. I would ask him how he's day was and he won't even bother to answer back even if it is the next day....But he expects me to reply with immediate effect when he asks or request something from me and I don't know about you guys out there but it is so depressing in a big way, I mean it's not as if you asking him to buy a plane for you or something....Anyway after discussing this with him and how my feelings were I gave him a week to change without telling him his on a test and I decided after that week to let it go....And now he want me to get back with him and this woman is going to do no such thing!!!!!!!!!! I am moving on and life is to valuable to allow someone else to have such an effect on you? or isn't it. Sent me some dating sites where I can meet decent gentleman out there and no chance takers otherwise I know someone is out there waiting for me and only God knows when that day will come. I feel so much better these days and so full of life...........
God knows I [and many others as well] needed this... thank you.
I like this article.
This is what I kept telling my boyfriend (not sure if we're broken up or on a break) that it's the little things that matter. If I was out with friends, I'd send him a text saying that I wish he was here. He'd do the same, sometimes, but not as much as I would have liked. And then the fact that he's not a planner. Is it that hard to make concrete plans with your girlfriend? It at least would make feel like you wanted to be with me, but that was how he was. I could go on and on... this is a good article.
this is just like mine.. he says he will do this and do that but nothing has changed and he forgets me as his girlfriend when hes busy with his friends. i really felt that i need his attention and assurance that were good..somehow i feel like its fading day by day..
This is exactly like my relationship with my on again off again boyfriend of over a year. Im getting clingy an he an i both see it. But he doesnt do some of the things on here at all. Its like im not even his girlfriend have the time when he goes out with his friends. I need serious help in what i should do.
But knowing what I know now I wouldn't have stayed in or chosen a relationship like that. I deserve better and so do you. You should feel re assured. You should feel content in a healthy relationship. Feeling needy is either your on again off again boyfriend not giving you what you need and deserve or you are becoming insecure and need to find some time for yourself to find that confidence....perhaps then you will see that he doesn't deserve you and you can kick him to the curb for good.
