The Trouble With Dating As A Bisexual Woman
Struggling to get beyond the lesbian stigma against bisexuals.
One of the first times I went on a date with a girl, she asked me, "Are you bi or gay?"
"Well, I'm still figuring that out," I told her.
Her response was: "I knew you were too good to be true." I then fell all over myself in an effort to explain to her that, although I was unsure about how to define my sexuality, I was definitely into girls, more so than I'm into guys. I am not and have never been bi-curious, bi for attention or bi only when men are around. Since then, I've figured out that I'm solely into girls. So I guess I wasn't too good to be true, huh?
But, alas, in parts of the gay community, being bi or being a lesbian who has hooked up with guys in the past is like having horns or an incurable disease. The Frisky: Dating A Bi-Guy
This isn't the case for all girls I have dated, but some lesbians don't want to date anyone who has been near a penis. Ever. Girls who have always been gay and nothing else carry it like a badge of honor. And, frankly, I'm jealous of them. I wish it was that easy for me to figure it out. But it wasn't. The Frisky: The comedy of online dating in an original video series.
I blame the bi-hatred on the rise of girls I will call "Facebook Lesbians." These are chicks you see on social networking sites and in clubs and bars getting touchy-feely with their platonic girlfriends to get attention from men. (Hello, boob circle photos.) They make being bisexual unacceptable in the eyes of some and are the reason even I can't say the word without putting air quotes around it. And, although for most of these girls it stops with a kiss or an innocent boob-grab, some of them actually identify themselves as bisexual, thus mucking things up for the whole gay community. I have numerous female friends who think they swing both ways simply because the idea of kissing another girl doesn't totally repulse them. But would they have a relationship with another woman? No. So are they bi? I don't think so. The Frisky: Is The Male Lesbian Fantasy Messing With Women's Sexuality?
One of my friends in particular finds it necessary to grab my face and plant a wet one on me every time she has had too much to drink. Often she gets the bartender's attention beforehand. This pisses me off because it is both insensitive and hurtful. She's assuming I have no problem kissing her because I'm gay. But the fact is, I don't want to kiss her because she's my friend and not my type. Straight girls don't go around making out with their guy friends. (Usually.) So why the double standard?
Discussion
Surprisingly, I've known of a number of guys who don't want anything to do with a bi-sexual woman, and a lot of people over all who simply believe that anyone who is bi is actually guy and just trying to protect themselves in some middleground.
The guys that don't want anything to do with a woman who is bi usually feel they can't trust their partner, as if she was going to run away at any moment, probably with another woman, and that the playing field just isn't even because she has more options.
I've dated a couple of bi women with no problems whatsoever. Consider how attractive I find women (lets face it, you gals are the better looking of the sexes) its not like I could fault them for it and all they were looking for was someone to grow old with. They just had more options, but it doesn't mean it made life easier.
I'm not surpised though that lesbians who have never come closer to a penis than seeing it in a book for health class would shun a woman who has been with a man. I'm pretty certain most gay men aren't as concerned about bi-men, but I could be wrong.
Good article though...I like the perspective.
