The Real Reasons Men Break Up With Women
Ten reasons he may have dumped you.
There are some pretty consistent reasons among men why they dump their girlfriends. Let's look at what some women do to end up being single again. Of course, this doesn't fit every instance of a breakup, and this doesn't apply to every woman, but a lot of guys tend to come up with the same reasons. After all, it can't ALWAYS be something that the guys did....could it?
The Other Side: The Real Reasons Women Break Up With Men
1. Women don't listen. When a man says something, give him a chance to speak. Listen to what he says. The problem is that sometimes, guys will end up with someone who makes him feel as though he doesn't know what he's talking about. We're not always right, but we do have opinions, and it gets under our skin when we're made to feel like our opinion doesn't matter. Who wants to stay with someone like that? How to Keep Your Man: Communication
2. Women listen to their friends too much. We understand the need for female friendship. We can go with the girls' night out deal. But when you start letting your single girlfriends (who constantly run guys off, or haven't dated since antenna TV) get into the business of your relationship, that's asking for trouble. You want to think that your man has a mind of his own when he's out with the guys, right? We're no different. We expect you to talk to your girlfriends, even if it's about us. Just be careful what you decide to bring back from those conversations.
3. The relationship is NOT a family affair. We're not trying to take you away from your family. This is a relationship, not a kidnapping. However, if we're mature enough to leave home and keep what goes on between us just between us, then is it too much to ask of you to do the same? If you tell your mom and your sisters about every single argument and disagreement that we have, then don't you think that they're not going to like us very much? Then you'll wonder why we don't like going around them, right?
4. We're not joined at the hip. We don't have to go every single place that you go, and we don't expect you to go everywhere with us. That's what makes our time together special. We each had our own likes and dislikes before we met. You did things alone or with your girls, and that's fine. Don't try to drag your man with you if it's going to be nothing but you and the girls talking. We don't want to sit and listen to talk about hair, nails, fashion, who's man is cheating on who, etc. Just shoot us first, if that's the case.
Discussion
There missed the biggest one: Giving up on looks.
Every time I start a relationship, the woman gives up on her figure and starts eating every desert she sees. I litterally see the weight increase within the first two months.
when a woman does that to me, she's telling me I'm not worth looking good for. And she thinks I'm so desperate I'll put up with it.
They always learn otherwise.
A lot of this is true. If you fail to integrate your relationship with your previous life it puts a real constant pressure on it. I like number one! Some women just don't listen sometimes and are very self absorbed. You can't expect a man to sit there and be assaulted but all your issues and when he comes to you don't reciprocate. Relationships should be a process of sharing and caring.
Blog: www.stuff-about.com
This is a great piece, and I think the "reasons" for men dumping gals are the same reasons women do. The recurring theme seems to be insecurity - when you don't feel good about yourself, you cling to other people, say nasty things about others, on and on. Insecurity, weirdly enough, seems to make us self-absorbed, too, so we stop thinking about our partner's needs and what we need to do to make the relationship work.
So, that old cliche about loving yourself, or taking care of your own "stuff" first? Seems very true.
REAL reason #1
She won't go down, and the guy sees a life devoid of oral sex laid out before like a prison sentence. No, I'm not kidding.
You wouldn't believe how often this is the REAL reason, and from really decent men who would never admit it--except to their other male friends.
If a guy shows any inclination to go down on you, the clock is ticking before you must reciprocate or he is gone. The penis is a DEAD SIMPLE piece of equipment. Ditch the hangups and make it work for you, ladies.
As others have said, women break up with men for the same exact reasons. Basically, if you feel more like a prisoner than a partner in the relationship, you're going to want out ASAP. Relationships should be about expanding your horizons, not limiting them.
If your partner is inattentive, takes an active dislike of your friends, etc., then of course you're going to want to break up. Often the question isn't "Why" break up, but "How." For more, go here: www.LeavingHim.com
I agree with tbone but am guilty of #6
u forgot a couple of issues that i must confess to
what if the woman is very fusional with her kids? or pets for the instance? im very nerdy above them not going out, and find it very hard to find a man who can actually understand that i do not want them to get run over. and NO, thats not life.
the second reason im usually dumped for are ...my looks. ive always had a horrible body, even when i was younger, despite practising sports, and my face is uh uh (im 39). my problem is not once im made up, but before that, before and after the shower. i just look masculine and plain ugly. most guys will put up with them at the bar, or to put me in a bed (im a good person, witty and friendly). but they quickly get bored and embarrassed with my looks (especially when i practice water sports, i really look bad). looks are definitely a big issue. i guess if the guy loves you truly, he will cope with them?
Keep up hope. You'll find a guy that likes all of you. My close buddies and I all have some similar tastes in women...various types that we can all agree on that aren't all neccessarily mainstream. But then we also have our own individual tastes that the other doesn't agree with. One friend of mine likes a woman who, as he put it, "looks like she can manhandle a fully loaded wheelbarrow." While he has pointed out this type of woman to me, which kind of sounds like how you describe yourself, she doesn't get me going but really gets his engines revving. And he has married a woman like this...the first time he met her she was actually pushing around a fully loaded wheel barrow!
The guy for you will do more then "cope" with your physical appearance, he'll see that as part of the total package! I understand, its not easy, but so long as you don't settle and stay who you are it will happen!
Very good article hitting on some of the major points that turn men off. You can term some of this behavior "clingy," "crazy," or whatever, but it all points to being unpleasant to be around. For similar material, check out http://relationshipbreakup101.com
I had a boyfriend who did all of these things to me. So I agree with those of you who say these are reasons women break up with men. It works both ways, I don't think just women behave this way!
But I still appreciated this article and learned from it. I think reading things like this always helps. It just helps me make sure this is not how I treat the next man I date.
The positive reinforcements are crucial. Women seek approval outwardly from their friends and family. Men are taught not to be that "needy." It's important to compliment them and show appreciation.
My guy always says that I don't say how nice he looks or that he does stuff for me enough. I have to admit that I don't, but I always joke with him about his ego and that the minute I think of complimenting him, he compliments himself. He is in no way stuck on himself, but I think it reveals a bit of male insecurity/
I was just reading last night in Sue Shapiro's new novel Speed Shrinking about #8 -- and how the main character tries to start and end the day by saying something nice to her husband -- a technique that her therapist taught her. Instead of "why didn't you take the garbage out?!" it's "hey handsome, could you pls take the garbage out?"
I have to agree with 'genevieve' ... turn things into a positive.
For me, it's a 'flirty' thing ... I had always flirted with my (God rest his sweet soul) late husband ... since the day we met ... and he dug it sooo much ... it was second nature to me with him ... we got along great, and flirting with him every day was just one of my ways of showing love and desire for him. We both always felt that if a relationship takes 'work' ... and I mean always having to work at making it work ... then it's time to leave. A love relationship should flow easily, and not be filled with constant emotional struggles with one another - that's negative. When you have the bumps in the road, you put priority on what's important and don't sweat over every detail ... when you're meant to be - you will be. Good communication shows in many forms ... by action and by reaction. If all couples just got the meaning of 'put your partner first' then there would be a lot more happiness, and a lot less complaining. When you love, don't be afraid to show it, in and out of the bedroom.
That is really good advice. I think often its too easy to criticize and harder to compliment, yet we expect that in return. And ladies, before you go asking friends and family for help or advice with your relationship, ASK HIM! Odds are, he has a few good ideas.
WOW!! As I once asked in a previous question, if love and relationships cause this much grief, why even have them? Well, I think it's because were human, and no one wants to really be alone. I just don't understand why it has to be an uphill battle to love a partner. The struggles just don't seem worth it to me.
I can relate except for #6. I don't see what "too" independent is. If a woman is with a man hopefully it's because she enjoys his company and not because she "needs" him. What was she doing before she hooked up with him that she needs him more then than she did before? How was she managing before him? If a guy needs to feel needed by his "little woman" then he shouldn't be asking for any sort of independence at all because who knows what she might need him for and when?
A mature woman doesn't need anything from a man and if she was doing it all herself before, no man should expect her to suddenly become dependent on him for *anything*. Grown-up relationships are based on mutual admiration and emotion, not the Perils of Pauline.
I think in a close, long-term relationship you don't just want each other. You need each other. I'm not thinking about economic dependence/interdependence. I'm thinking more of an emotional thing. I guess I personally want to be needed, not just wanted.
I think you missed the point. Let's say that you're in a relationship with a guy. He's handling his business, doing everything that he needs to do. At some point, you want to feel that there is a place for you in his life. if he's doing absolutely everything to the point where you don't feel like you fit in anywhere, then isn't there going to be some part of you that wants him to express some desire for you in addition to telling you (not just sexually)? That's not taking away from his independence; it's more like making you inclusive in his life.
The same thing with a woman. It's not intended to degrade her, or take away from what she's accomplished and is capable of accomplishing. It's about her being able to make a man feel like he's wanted in addition to telling him that he's wanted.
I guess I would think the fact that the woman still hangs out with the man makes it apparent that he is wanted. I just don't see how a need can be created if it was not there already. To be honest I don't see myself being bothered with a guy who can't do everything to take care of himself by the time we meet. The only sort of "need" I can envision is "I need you here in this context because it is a result of our relationship" and not some sort of actual need. It makes more sense to say/demonstrate wanting someone around rather than needing them. How can anyone fulfill someone else if they are all needy themselves?
I'm struggling to answer this one. I would say that I need my husband and he needs me. Some of that is very material - we're married, we have kids, we share a house, etc. That's not the important thing to me. I want him to need me for his happiness. Not just be glad I'm here and want me to stay, but really need me.
I'm going to assume that this isn't a blanket statement for all women, and that it can be turned around to apply to some of the men in this world also. I think this is a great list of behaviours that adults exhibit in relationships that should be outlawed. Here's what I'd add:
Men, we women don't like it when you tell us what color hair we should have (go find yourself a blond!!!). We don't like when you police our drinking, I'm over 21 and I don't drive drunk, so drinking two days a month is nothing for you to be concerned about. If I tell you I'm going out with a girl friend, don't ask to come along, I would have asked you to come if we wanted a man hanging around getting testosterone in our air. Please don't ask why I don't cook for you after you say the lasagna from Bucca is better than mine, go there and eat their food that wasn't cooked with love and affection. Don't assume that just because you paid for dinner that we're gonna have sex, you paid for my company duing your meal. Also, stop turning down morning sex, if I hear no to many times, it's gonna be over, I need to be loved too. And don't make fun of our bowling, we might just be doing it to be with you. Men, I love you all... except you (you know who you are!). heehee
You're exactly right. It's not a blanket statement for all women, and it can be turned around for the men as well. That's why I stated in the opening statement that it may apply to some women. I figured that it might help some people open their eyes to what they themselves may be doing to cause their reltaionships to fall apart.
I read another post as to why some guys dump women, but I didn't feel that it looked into what some women do (behavior-wise) to cause a man to break up with them. Feel free to keep adding on!!!
