What would you do if you found out that the mom you shared carpool duties with was a dominatrix at night? Or what if that cute couple next door wasn't really a couple—but a threesome or a foursome? How would you react?
Well, you better get used to it, because all across America, in sleepy suburbs just like yours, moms are hiding secrets. In Part 3 of momlogic's "Secrets in the Suburbs" series, we pierce the veil of secrecy surrounding the mysterious and often secret world of polyamory. In Relationships, Does "Normal" Exist?
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Meet Robyn. She's a 44-year-old mom of three and a polyamorist who's currently involved in loving, intimate relationships with three men. And she's open to more, time permitting.
ML: What is polyamory?
Robyn: Polyamory is a romantic relationship with more than one person. It is usually a committed relationship, but polyamory can come in all forms. One form is called polyfidelity, it means that there is a committed relationship between the people, and they are sexually faithful with each other. There can be three people in the relationship or more.
What kind of a polyamorist are you?
I am a more open polyamorist. I have a primary partner, Jesus, and we live together with my three kids. He has another partner in Michigan, and I have two other partners who I am in long distance relationships with. One is in New York, and the other one is really long distance—he's in another country. But I'm not tied down to those three people. I always try to remain open. Right now my life is very busy, but that doesn't mean that if I met someone who I was intrigued by that I wouldn't make time for him. 7 Tips for Beginning an Open Relationship
Do you have sex with his other partner as well?
No. I know her and I like her, but I am not sexually involved with her. And Jesus is not sexually involved with my lovers right now. But they do know each other.
How long have you been with Jesus and your other lovers?
I met Jesus in 2005 and have only been with him for three years, but he is my primary partner who I live with. I met one of my lovers in 2003 so I have been with him for five years. He also has a primary partner, and he has several other lovers—he's a very busy guy.
How long have you been polyamorous?
I have always been non-monogamous, and when I was 24 years old I came to terms with myself and realized that I would always be that way. I realized that I would never be monogamous, and I was sick of trying to be. I was sick of falling in love with two people and having to choose between them. I didn't want to lie, and I didn't want to cheat, and I knew that if I kept trying to be monogamous that's what I would end up doing. At the time it was a difficult decision. There were no support groups for this sort of thing back then. I didn't know about polyamory—the term might not have even existed back then. I felt very alone, and it was very challenging. But I knew I had to be true to who I was. Portrait Of An Open Marriage