In Relationships, Are You A Thinker Or A Feeler?

By YourTango

thinking vs feeling
Thinking vs feeling. What's your approach to relationships?

A funny thing happened on the way to a party recently. It was a work party for my friend Dave's venture capital firm. He was going with Mary, his longtime girlfriend who, just a few weeks earlier, he had asked to marry him.

As the couple was about to enter the party, Mary stopped, turned to her fiancé and asked, "Do you think what I’m wearing is okay?"


Dave gave her an appraising look and said, "You look great. But you probably could have worn different shoes." (Insert collective gasp here.) 

This is not the funny thing that happened. The funny thing that happened is what Mary said in response. She took a moment to recover from her disbelief and then said, "Are you having a 'T' moment?"

Dave thought about it then nodded his head and said, "Yes, I'm sorry. You look wonderful."

So, what's a "T" moment? What are these magic words that can stop a bad conversation dead in its tracks? 

The words come from the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) assessment. It's a personality assessment that gives you four letters as a result, like ENFP or ISTJ. Mary was referring to that third letter, which turned out to be crucial in stopping a potential fight and helping Dave reassess his answer to her question. Discover Your "Type" (It Really Exists)

Touchy-Feely or Logic and Reason?

In the Myers-Briggs model there are two main ways to make a decision—Thinking and Feeling. 

Some people prefer to make decisions based on objective data. In the MBTI world, this preference is known as Thinking. Logic and external order are the parameters that rule the day. 

Other people prefer to make decisions based on subjective data. This preference is known as Feeling. The harmony of the group and what one personally values are the parameters that rule the day of those in the Feeling group.