Survey: Men Take Commitment VERY Seriously
For guys, marriage is as scary as sharks.
It's been said that men fear commitment. And that may be drastically understating the case. According to our homies over at Lemondrop, when asked to list things they are afraid of, sharks just edged out proposing marriage in terms of things that men fear. (Word to the wise, the Lemondrop post had a few other interesting tidbits that you should check out.)
Since Velociraptors and Tyrannosaurus Rexes went the way of the dinosaur, the scariest creature on the face of the Earth is the shark (followed closely by the tiger, with the hippopotamus and werewolf tied for a distant third). Read: Dudes Not Really Afraid Of Commitment
So, what does that say about perceptions regarding marriage, that dudes are nearly as afraid of getting married as they are of being eaten by a shark? When Hollywood needs a reckless killing machine to scare the Helsinki out of moviegoers, they send in the sharks. Jaws nearly closed every beach on Earth. Deep Blue Sea saw badass Samuel L Jackson being stalked and then eaten by "a f*cking shark." Some people thought Open Water was the next coming of The Blair Witch Project because of the circling sharks. And even the Jessica Alba and Paul Walker in bathing suits vehicle, Into The Blue, had some scary shark-eating-human-face action to add to the suspense.
That having your face eaten by a prehistoric face-eating machine is only slightly scarier than getting hitched must mean something. And it means that men must take commitment very seriously. Armchair psychology tells us that modern dudes associate lifelong commitment with death (per Prince, "It means forever and that's a mighty long time.") Our lives are fairly fluid, while most people end up in close proximity to where they grew up, we go away to college, we switch jobs a dozen times, our political and social mores evolve and even our tastes buds morph, so the idea of one person and FOREVER seems like asking a lot. Read: In Defense Of Monogamy
Can fear of commitment be taken as a good sign? Is viewing marriage as a death sentence really an acknowledgement that "'til death do us part" is being taken seriously? Read: Unsafe Sex a Sign of Commitment?
Discussion
Commitment has more individual connotations than the rigid idealized, romanticized and often unrealistic denotation society and culture ascribes to the word. Besides, there are levels and degrees of commitment. And as people grow and change so too does his/her previously-held notions of commitment as it pertains to the nature of the relationship itself. Commitment is a continuum, an experiential timeline that increases and diminishes according to circumstances such as economic status, child-rearing, career, philosophy et al. Commitment can be a core objective whether we apply it to work or home. I've learned the value of being both fluid and flexible and unafraid to reinterpret it. This helps maintain the balancing act that is inherent in all relationships. Well, this is what I think, anyway.
All this article says is the author's idea that men fear commitment....................and a lot of glossy imagery to go with it. Fluff.
If I had to pick 1. bling that my "spouse-to-be" would wear everyday thereafter, 2. come up with a poignant, original, heartfelt proposal and 3. choose the time to take a relationship from here to THERE... I'd be nervous, too. I think Bookmama has a point. Maybe toning down whole man-must-propose/perfect wedding hoopla might help quiet some wobbly knees.
I love this essay Jeanann Pannasch wrote about proposing to her boyfriend: http://www.yourtango.com/2007323/modern-love-not-all-lasting-unions-begi...
Well, maybe part of the fear is about proposing marriage, not just marriage. If you're in love, you really don't want to be turned down.
A lot of the time, though, a modern guy probably knows he's going to be accepted before he asks. The problem is, a lot of women have come to expect the most romantic, creative proposal ever. The guy knows if he does it wrong, she's going to be disappointed. Meanwhile, she's not going to tell him how to do it because that would ruin things. So he gets nervous.
I wonder if women took the pressure off about getting the perfect proposal and wedding, would more of us be getting asked?
