Can You Really Be "Just Friends" With An Ex?
Five reasons why the answer is no.
A lot of celebrities have recently been making friendly with their exes (Kendra Wilkinson and Hugh Hefner, Madonna and Guy Ritchie, Mandy Moore and DJ AM, and Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo, to name just a few). And many of us non-celebrities have, at one point or another, dumped someone with the parting words: "We can still be friends." But let's be realistic for a moment, shall we? There's no such thing as being "just friends" with an ex. Here's why:
1. Ulterior motives. If you're spending massive amounts of time calling, texting and meeting up with your ex as "friends," but deep down in your heart of hearts hoping that maybe you'll get back together, you are not friends. In fact, you're the farthest thing from a friend that there is. You are what's called desperate. You're afraid to let things go. And sadly, you're just prolonging the inevitable. The Healthy Way To Get Over A Breakup
2. Arrogance. You've just been dumped by so-and-so. You want to be the bigger person. You act like an angel whenever you're in his or her presence and tell the world that you're still "really good friends." But listen: You're not kidding anyone. Everyone knows what you're doing and your martyr act isn't impressing any of them — including your ex. Break Up Etiquette: Dividing Your Friends
3. Sex. Yes, it was good. Yes, it still is. And yes, everyone and their brother knows that you two are still going at it, even though you're no good for each other and completely incapable of holding down a civil conversation (unless you consider "I have condoms," "great, I have lube" to be a civil conversation). This is not what real friendships are made of. Sex With My Ex: What Does It Mean?
4. That was then, this is now. You get together and talk about how things were. You ask if his sister is still working at the coffee house. He asks if your best freind Emily is still addicted to chocolate martinis. You realize that Emily hasn't had a martini in months and he points out that his sister is now an attorney. Everything about your past is your past and everything about the present doesn't include the other. In short, you're only friends if you also consider that person who friended you on Facebook from freshman year English your friend as well.
Discussion
I am still JUST friends with a few of my exes. In my opinion, although the physical, romantic, and emotion parts of that relationship are over, there were other reasons that you had that person in your life, right? Why should you deprive yourself of a great friend just because you're no longer dating?
I understand that it can take some time (for one of my exes, it took 5 years), but I don't see why there can't be a friendship between exes. With the exception of my ex-husband, I am friends with all of mine.
It doesn't seem to work or even to make sense to be friends with an ex. the only time it could is if you were friends first and shared all of the same friends.
