Sex With My Ex: What Does It Mean?
Know what your Ex is thinking.
Got a question? Ask it here.
Featuring America's Love Experts Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal. http://www.askmattandtamsen.com
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Discussion
Men and women have different perspectives about sex. For women sex tends to be more emotional and personal whereas for men it is often something to satisfy their pleasures. Therefore, women often equate sex to a relationship whereas men believe that it doesnt mean anything more than sex. People need to communicate more before having sex so that they know each others views on sex. Sex doesn't mean you are in a relationship. Having sex with an ex can complicate things and both parties should understand where their relationship begins and ends before having sex. I personally, wouldn't do it if I am in some way still attached to my ex and have higher expectations from the relationship then he does.
this is stupid!!!!
... OF COURSE there is hope for your relationship! i was broken up with my boyfriend for over a year and when we started seeing each other again after not speaking for so long, we were having sex before progressing with out relationship. eventually we did get back together, and now it's been 2 years, we are happy, and moving in together next month.
but you're just one of those cases. I mean with the general population, that might not happen. He was just generalizing
but who's to say this viewer isn't one of those cases as well? if he's just generalising, then he should specify that he's just generalising instead of saying with certainty that what the writer is going through means nothing.
he says "I'm just generalizing here, I don't know the whole story"
But anyways I agree with you definatly :) they kinda assumed, which is always bad
Yes, of course there was an assumption made based on what little facts were given, but I'd still agree with the core of what was said.
Their message wasn't that there wasn't hope for getting back together, simply that the only thing you can be DEFINATELY sure of at this point is that there is still physical attraction. If all they do is continue to just meet up for sex then the odds are against them of getting back together into a full relationship.
Not impossible, but not the easiest route to go. Their argument was that if you really want to be sure that you're working towards renewing the relationship then to take things outside of the bedroom and re-establish the relationship. Can you do it in the bedroom? Sure, its possible, but a couple other things should happen, such as deciding first if you really want just sex with your ex, to jump back into your relationship with your ex, or if this was just a one time deal and you still know that things won't work with your ex...in which case sex just becomes confusing. Once you decided then talk with the person. Let them know what you want and find out what they want and if everyone has the same idea then it works out. If you both have different ideas then there is no question and you, or they, won't be getting their hopes up.
Matt and Tamsen are simply warning the questioner that until they do something other than sleep with their ex that they shouldn't get their hopes to high, and that is extremely sound advice.
As noted, for some people the scenario worked. For some it doesn't. For many, its a disaster waiting to happen. Just exercise some caution and communicate with your partner so that you don't end up with false expectations.
To put it another way, how would you feel if someone told you that "yes, sex will lead you back into a relationship with your ex" and a week later you're wondering why your ex was using you for sex and stopped calling because they found someone else that they want to be in a relationship with, which is all a surprise to you because you didn't actually talk with your ex to find out what they really wanted with you.
They never said there was no hope...just to be very careful.
HAHA! My BF broke up with me about 2 months ago. It wasn't until about 3 weeks ago that he started asking me to come over and hang out. I have always wanted to reconcile the relationship, but made it VERY clear that sex was out of the question. He agreed. It wasn't until last weekend that I finally couldn't take it anymore and asked him straight out "How does the term 'f**k buddy' grab you?" He laughed and I thought, "Well, hell, at least you put it out there". Needless to say, we have just spent the last 5 days together and lastnight was the first time we finally had sex. But the thing is, it was more than sex.... We finally learned to be friends again. And it was worth all the waiting.
If you can seperate your feelings, then I say go for it, but it is much harder to do than just saying you can. I think we are finally on the right track, and it finally feels right. YAY ME!!
Geez. No kidding.
A man could have sent that in.
Or it might be a gay man.
Or a lesbian.
