My Son Found My "Special Toy"

By

surprised son
How my sixth grader called me out on using sex toys.

I store my secret and satisfying lover in the hidden compartment of an ottoman in my bathroom. Towels are piled high over it, and inside I store all my overflow of beauty and hair products. Deep within that pile is a compartment I stash my "toys." For the past month, I've been finding my vibrator with the batteries dead and always left in the "on" position. I like to conserve energy, so I know I NEVER would have wasted a AA battery in a recession with an amateur move like that. I didn't have the guts to confront my husband, so instead I've spent the past thirty days bitching to my girlfriends about my husband's alleged jealousy over my affair with "Buzz Light My Year on Fire."Read: What Do Men Think About Vibrators?

This week we grounded our sixth grader for poor grades. My husband sat him down, told him what the grounding entailed and just when he was about to leave his bedroom our defiant little guy decided to get in the last word... "Yeah, well mom has a dildo!" Insert the sound effect of a loud record or chalkboard scratch here. I was checking email when I heard him belt it out and I buried my face in my hands and burst out laughing while in shock. I give my husband a ton of credit. The first words out of his mouth were "What does that have to do with your grounding?" With those simple words the conversation ended, my husband went to Home Depot and bought a new doorknob for our bedroom that requires a key, had a duplicate key made for me and handed it over sweetly the next morning. Well done honey...

I felt so guilty about the false accusation I concocted about my husband. Here I was thinking my husband was secretly draining the batteries out of jealousy, when in reality my sixth grader was busy wasting valuable battery power trying to figure out what the hell it did. I was equally mortified when my son asked to talk to me in his room about my "disturbing sex toys." Does is get any worse than this people? I couldn't believe he actually had the balls to call me out on it and use those exact words. Reliving it makes me cringe. Read: 6 Sex Toys That Scare Us

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