Ed note: Last week we featured a community blog post that warned women not to reveal their "number." Below, a man responds.
Every guy, specifically every comedian (double specifically Chris Rock) knows that a woman's number is a whole lot of hooey. You say ten; (after probably throwing up in his mouth a little) he realizes you meant 17. And it's not that you're lying, it's just dudes consider any "crossing the threshold" to be sex. (We were raised on sports in which "breaking the plane" counts as scoring: football, soccer, hockey, goat racing, etc.) And, per our buds over at The Frisky, gals have some sexual encounters that they just don't count. (By the by, if you're not periodically check out The Frisky, after YourTango, naturally, please do yourself a solid and peruse their articles. They have been serving electric Kool-Aid acid laced with TNT* lately.) Read: Men And Women And Why Their "Counts" Don't Add Up
While the whole "number" issue's been batted about more times than anyone should care to recall (Lisa and Marge Simpson famously decided Lisa could wear white to her wedding because Milhouse "doesn't count"), the fact is the lion's share of guys don't spend a lot of time thinking about your number. But guys do care about sexual history. Here's why.
1. Disease. Guys without junk funk would prefer to keep it that way. While he doesn't want to ask, he's keenly interested in not catching anything that will make him itch, cause pee-related burning, disfigure his mouth, genitalia or anus, give him the cancer or compromise his immune system. If you're clean, he's cool.
2. Famous people. There's a good chance he won't be jealous that you f*cked the lead singer of Arctic Monkeys, but he will wonder if he's actually a cool guy, if you're still in touch and if he'd like to come to his birthday party.
3. Crazy stuff. In an effort to find out what gets you going, eventually he'll want to know the crazy things that you've done in the sack (or a baby pool full of KY). Talking about your past will also galvanize him to ask if you'd do something he finds to be of risqué, kinky interest (hello, threesome).
4. People he knows. Sure it's childish, but a guy doesn't like to be blindsided with "yeah, dude, I hit that," afer proudly telling friends about his new girlfriend. The idea of hearing "Hell, Lumbergh f*cked her," from a third-party, is ten times worse than knowing you slept with 11 guys during a particularly low self-esteem-y junior year in college.