50% Of Women Regret Marrying Their Husbands
So you're pretty sure your husband isn't your soul mate. Rest assured. You're not alone.
More than half of women recently surveyed by AOL Living and Women's Day magazine say their husbands are not their soul mates, that they sometimes regret marrying their husbands, and that they have considered leaving their husbands at some point or another.
A part of us finds all of this a little surprising. Another part thinks, well, duh.
Let's break things down further, shall we? We'll start with the good stuff.
Of the 35,000 women surveyed, nearly 50 percent say that their husbands' personalities were the first thing that attracted them and more than 50 percent say that their husbands' personalities are still their most attractive trait. Read: Attraction At First Eye Contact?
52 percent say they don't believe in fairy tales or fate. Or at least, that's what we presume they mean when they say that their husbands are not their "soul mates" (it's better than thinking that they actually believe in fairy tales and are living in a perpetual state of disappointment).
72 percent say they've considered leaving their husbands at some point or another. Again, we consider this good, if only because it proves that most of the respondents were not robots.
More than half the respondents claim their husbands say "I love you" every day, or "fairly often."
And 71 percent expect to be married to their husbands for the rest of their lives.
Now, onto the less good stuff.
More than half of the women surveyed say they are either bored in bed or can't remember the last time they had sex. Read: Good Dad And Loving Husband: Can I Be Both?
Approximately 60 percent rarely or never have date nights... a fact, we can't help but think, might be contributing to their lackluster sex lives.
More than 50 percent wish their husbands either made more money or made more time for them (um... yeah, shouldn't this number be higher?). Read: Why It's Better To Marry For Money
And nearly half say their husbands have changed for the worse since getting married (at least they still have those great personalities).
In short, this new survey reinforces a lot of what we already know to be true. That marriages don't always end happily ever after. That husbands can get on their wives' last nerves. That married or single, we frequently don't get as much sex as we want. And that regardless of all this, a lot of us choose to stick things out due to desperation, craziness, optimism, masochism or something else much harder to explain in one word (the survey respondents, unfortunately, do not help us with this one).
In other cutting edge news, did you know that couples who get enough sleep tend to fight less?
And you thought this survey was the most obvious thing we were publishing today.
Discussion
I am one of them who at one time felt like leaving my husband. When we met he was a very nice person, but after years of being married he does not seem the same anymore. men change because they dont want to accept the fact that when a woman gives birth to children the body changes and i for one still need much attention from him, but he doesnt give me. So what choice do i have to regret that he is not the man i met and wanted to spend the rest of the life with.
Well, who hasn't thought about leaving their spouse at one point or another. But things change and the two of you have to grow together and that takes work. It sounds like there is a communication breakdown between the two of you. Don't just walk out, take some time to try and work through your issues with a third party who can help you both bridge that communication gap.
Regret is a choice you make, just like committment.
I don't believe in the idea of a soul mate, but that does not change how I feel about my DH, nor does it mean I want to leave him. It simply means that while we are committed and connected, I don't believe a soul mate connection like that comes without hard work and intimacy. Something we are slowly building to until we are old and wrinkled sitting in rocking chairs and fighting by only talking to each other with our minds and a series of eyebrow raises.
Even though it is almost anti-pagan to admit, I don't believe in the concept of soul mates either. I didn't feel that wonderful "connection" with my husband until many years after we married. After many years of HARD work and perseverance we developed a relationship that made us feel like we were spiritually connected.
I also believe that you become soul mates over time. Part of it is having faced hardships and come through them, whether the hardships were from in your relationship or from outside.
I don't see the popular idea of soul mate as particularly pagan. I doubt the Druids believed in it.
I think the survey responses are actually pretty encouraging. I read it as most women still like their husbands and want to stay with them for the rest of their life despite sometimes having problems. Most of them are happy, content, or excited about their marriages. They need more time with their sweeties and more sex, but they still love them - and most of the husbands still love them back at least enough to say "I love you."
I wonder more about the women who say they've never considered leaving at some point.
And three weird things - 1) the women were first attracted to their husbands personality and looks with sense of humor coming in third and money not that big. But now they don't go for their husband's looks so much, but the money is more important.
2) the women were more interested in their husband making more money than doing more housework.
3) some women actually most wanted their husbands to put the toilet seat down!
I think that most of this has to do with the fact that so many woman are obsessed with the idea of a fairy princess wedding that they put very little thought into the person that they are marrying until its too late. They pressure their respective significant others to take that "next natural step" so that they can buy the dress, make the lists and start the registries and by the time they slow down to truly examine the choices they've made, they're two weeks married and wondering "what the hell have I done?"
