13 Relationships Mistakes We Men Could Stop Making
We dudes aren't perfect, we should quash a few relationship mistakes ourselves.
Last week the editrixes at YourTango compiled a list of relationship mistakes that women should stop making. The list was solid but a bit heavy on the progesterone. I responded to their list with one from the Yang point-of-view. My list was fun, but I felt like it may have been a little heavy-handed. You decide: Read: 14 Relationship Mistakes We Wish You'd Stop Making
At any rate, in the name of making this space the Hannity And Colmes of YourTango (i.e. totally impartial and fair), I've compiled a list of stuff us dudes should probably quit doing in the name of healthy love and relationships:
1. Getting philosophical during "cuddle time." Easy Nietzsche, enjoy the silence. Wait 'til later to tell her why Washington is holding back the electric car.
2. Watching TV, reading, surfing the interweb and/or listening to music during an important conversation. Trust me, being able to recite the highlights (and a detail or two) of what she just said can go a long way. It's going to be tough if you have to ask yourself if she said it or if Al Michaels did.
3. Leaving your shirt on during sex. Yes, I took this from Chelsea Lately, but it's brilliant: There is nothing stranger than a man wearing nothing but a shirt, unless that man is also wearing sneakers and a hat.
4. Claiming not to have a girlf. Do you spend money on her? Has she met your friends? Have you had sober sex on several occasions? Do you spend the night? Do you take meals together at restaurants? Are you doing the same stuff with anyone else? Yeah, she's probably your girlf, guy.
5. Not understanding the value of cut flowers. I know that paying money for something that is going to be all wilty in like three days seems crazy. Sometimes rooms need a little brightening. Just go with it, OK?
6. Saying "You had me at 'hello''' or "You complete me" with anything that approaches sincerity... Nevermind. If you want to quote Jerry Maguire, don't let anyone stop you.
7. Showing improper levels of jealousy. Some jealousy is good, natural and a bit flattering. Driving four hours to punch Jim Halpert in the neck is cause for concern.
8. Insisting on a level of grooming that you are in no way prepared to reciprocate. I'm with you, I'm not waxing my junk. That's final.
9. Solving every problem. Dude, sometimes we're supposed to just listen and empathize. Even if a solution is slapping you in the face like Rick James in the China Club, just listen. Maybe give advice if the same issue constantly comes up. Maybe.
10. Not taking the bait from an obvious attempt to fish a compliment. Compliment fishing, like fishing where people are swimming, is pretty annoying, but sometimes everyone needs a few kind words.
11. Taking numbers that you don't plan on calling. Honestly, is getting a whole mess of numbers still cool? Was it ever?
Discussion
Tom, I feel betrayed, as though you've broken a basic Man-Law tenant and have turned us all in! Now women will have at least one Man agreeing with their warped views on how we should behave!
Okay, for those that haven't seen me around on here....that was a joke.
Great list Tom. I know I've made a lot of those mistakes (never was good at getting numbers so I gave up early) but there is one thing you ladies can be made aware of...it was good women that taught me how to over come these mistakes. Every problem you have with your partner can be addressed, just be sure to not make it a constant nag or anything like that. I used to grunt a lot in reply to one girlfriend. With constant, playful teasing, she helped me break the habit!
Had to read this twice, it was so badly written! Totally relate to to ShakeUrBuddha, proofreading would have been really nice. Hard to actually follow along with the author's train of thought. And I agree, do you flaunt taking other women's phone numbers in front of your s/o? Doesn't really make a whole lot of sense. Some of the ideas were right though. And like BookMama said, socks left on during sex are a huge turn off. If a shirt was left on the woman could always take it off . . . socks, though, totally different matter altogether.
when women say things like "wearing socks during sex is a turn off" its like your also giving off a sign that says your playing mother goose which can hurt your relationship. For example: women read cosmopolitan and all these magazines that give so-called tips to look for to examine a mans level of intimacy with you. Some of us men may be ashamed of our feet and if i am dating a woman who gets pissed off or her mood changes because i simply wear socks during sex i probably dont need to deal with that type of character because it spells problems later on.
The point is this: a great many women think they are grooming men that didnt asked for your opinion. i have been told that i am marriage material and dont have any problems findin dates or a woman. i just dont like when women think that men need to adjust and adhere to 47 different magazines suggestions of how we should be , what we wear during sex, if our relationship with our moms is bad how this will determine who and what the future holds for the relationship. My mother is a compulsive gambler, bingo, lottery, card games etc. She is an alcoholic and can be quite negative when she's broke. So when women ask me how my realtionship is with my mother and i tell them not good, the ignorant women, and i repeat the ignorant ones who read all these mags about men and their moms and is he the marrige type usually try to degrade me and make me appear like its something about me that has the character defect or problem. After the conversation erupts after several women tried to insinute its me- i then tell them the history and addiction to gambling mood swing etc, they look like fools and by then the realtionship takes a negative turn and i dump them. my point is,weas men need to be given more credit for the reason we behave and instead of trying to play girlfriend, counselor, theraphist /groomer women need to use assertive social skills and tact to ask questions pertaining to each individual man to make sure you have the right information before using a ne size fits all approach to tryin to define a behavior. what if the guy has one toe missing but wears his socks to bed and sex- if your dumb and miss all the other great things about him like: he has a job, is educated, works with children mentoring, and other great attributes women who say dumb things like this sock thing have too much time on your hand and that busy body mentalitiy can do more harm in relationship because your tryin to play ms. manners/mothering which is a bigger turn off
Revise: Socks in the bed. Ladies please understand that what i meant to say is this, if a guy has good hygiene and takes shower andthere are clean socks on during sex or going to sleep, bury the pet peeve. On the other hand just recently my friend met this female and they were almost ready to get their freak on and he noticed the bottom of her feet which looked like she had been working a sludge farm so he lost his sexual appetite for her. I misspoke when i say its dumb women or a dumb comment with the sock pet peeve, i apologize sincerly. Nonetheless, i believe we as men women and aliens(smile) have had different home training, manners, etiquette experience and a little kindness never hurt when tryin to get us men, who are pigs by the way to respect thatgoddess temple (your bed). ladies i know men who have grown up in group homes, had no role models except for grand parents and they have literally no idea that jumping in someone bed with street clothes on is a violation of womens space. i didnt know how sensitive this was but now this will be a discussion i'll have with my friends. many a new man in your life will have to have you spell these boundaries out to each new man you meet, you cannot expect us to know this or have thought we should know. Some women dont care, as long as the man comes home dirty clean whatever. its all about tactful diplomatic dialogue where each one comes to the table ready to be enlightend
Since when was taking numbers you don't plan on calling a "relationship mistake"?
Also a little proofreading would be nice.
Philosophy's okay, just not Nietzsche! Women want to think they bring a little meaning to your life.
And is leaving socks on acceptable?
Two you missed:
1) Teasing her. You don't need to compete with your girlfriend for a position in some hierarchy.
2) Forgetting birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, etc. How did you forget that one?
