I Need a Break From Dating!
When I think about going on a date these days, I no longer get excited. I don’t get a tingle down my spine, nor do I wonder with anticipation if this guy could be "the one!" What I think now is: "Crap! Do I have to?"
Here I am in my 40s. No longer a spring chicken, yet still a pretty hot chick. But I think its time to start accepting that fact that I’m getting old.
Why?
Because I distinctly remember a time not too far in the distant past when I used to get excited about going out on a date… the shopping for a new outfit, new lipstick, hairdresser stop, and the urgent need to find the perfect shoes and earrings.
Yeah well… that was then. This is now.
When I think about going on a date these days, I no longer get excited. I don’t get a tingle down my spine, nor do I wonder with anticipation if he could be "the one."
What I think now is: "Crap! Do I have to?"
That’s why I am sitting here alone on a Saturday night typing this blog while the Lakers (aka Kobe) and the Nuggets battle it out to see who is going to win game #3 and go to the finals. By the way, the Lakers won.
I’m not taking a break because I think all the good ones are taken, nor do I believe that dating will be forever unattractive to me. It’s just that I need a break.
I need time out from doing my hair, worrying about my nails, and wondering how much of my wonderfulness I should reveal on the first date. I need a break from creating a list of safe topics to discuss, and from putting energy into making a good first impression. I don’t want to even think about not eating too much because my jeans are already too tight! I don’t want to think about table manners or whether I have food in my teeth either.
And I certainly don’t want to be bothered wondering if my very cute high heeled shoes are going to be having an argument with my toes in a few hours. I seriously need a rest from the let-down feeling you get after a first date ends when you KNOW there will be no second one.
Know what I mean?
I’m going to take a break from the mating ritual of dating. Instead I’m going to focus on the hows, the whys, the whens, the whats, and of course, the who’s. My goal is to write something at least once per week, which first requires 6 days of deep thinking to gather my thoughts.
Which means I’ll be much too busy to even THINK about dating for at least a few weeks.
Thank God!
Originally posted on Living The Single Life - Surviving Dating
Discussion
No fears everyone! I specifically said it wouldn't be forever, but I am definitely enjoying the break and my aloneness. Being alone is very different from being lonely! It's nice to slow down and get back in touch with yourself every so often. I think we sometimes get so caught up in being busy and being there for everyone else that we forget we need to take time out for ourselves. Women are especially guilty! No one is going to die if I don't go out on a date. I hope! :)
I'm only thirty but I do this every so often. I think when you start feeling like dating is wearing on you and you are not actually enjoying doing it you can't really be yourself on a date. It's not where you want to be you would rather be home or out with friends and your date will be able to sense that. It could potentially mess up what could be a good date with a possibly great person. That and why put yourself through all that there are so many things in this world we have to do like work why add one more thing. Everyone needs "me" time. Great job and good idea MsHeartBeat.
I remember it well: sitting in the parking lot of yet another Starbucks, working up the mental energy to face yet another online date. Sitting there, I realized that I'd rather be with friends. Or family. Or home alone with my dogs -- pretty much anywhere but in that parking lot prepping to go on a date. So I did what you did: I took a break from dating. I involved myself in home-improvement projects, volunteering, and my friends. And it was fabulous.
Only when I felt sufficiently rejuvenated enough to enjoy the process of dating again did I get back into the online dating world. And that's when I met my husband-to-be.
i was widowed after seven years of marriage, single for twenty two years before that, married 14 years before that. after my last husband died, there was no thought of another man. i had lots of family, lots of friends, was not lonely, after about two years of being widowed, a friend called me one saturday night and wanted me to get on this dating web site to see a pic of the man she was getting ready to meet, so i did. There was no interest in meeting any men, we would log on occasionally to look at the men she was talking to, the ones who tried to contact me i ignored. Then one night we were online and someone popped in on instant message and wanted to talk to me. For some unexplainable reason i told my friend i was gonna talk to him cause he was all the way across the country and i wouldn't ever have to worry about meeting him and he was kind of cute. So, i talked to him and now we have been talking for six months and he swears he is in love with me and we are planning to meet next month. I do not believe you can fall in love with someone you have never met face to face. I will say i am highly attracted to the pic of him and am excited about meeting him, but i just dont know how far i can go with that. I am a born and bred Texan, he is Danish with a heavy accent and I have that Texas twang. Lord, what a combination! I have stated that i would not relocate, he says he will. I also do not see where we have a lot in common; however, the relationships i have had were ones i thought there was a lot of common ground only to find out there was nothing in common, so i guess that didnt mean anything. This is so unexpected, it just goes to show that when you aren't looking, things come to you.
I am "forced" to date after my husband of 20 years died last February.
Is it something I want to do? Not particularly, but the alternative is spending way too much time home alone with my teenaged sons.
It's no small task even FINDING men to date; I'm 50. Everyone is married in the subdivision where I live, I work in an elementary school (no men there unless you like them married or gay), and I see no one unless I make an effort. This bs of a stranger falling in love with you in the supermarket aisle is just that bs...and a lot of wishful thinking.
Online has been the only way I've met anybody.
If I took a break from it I'm sure it would be too hard to go back. And I'd be older in an area where men have their choice of what women to date.
Yes it sucks. But being alone and having no sex life is a lot worse.
I'm your age and am going through the same thing. I've never been a big dater. Usually meet someone and end up in a LTR which ends when I realize way too late that it should have never lasted as long as it did. After my last relationship ended I decided I'd give dating a try. I'm so over it. Doing the cost/benefit analysis just shows me that the benefits so do not out weigh the costs. I'm having fun finding things I enjoy doing.
Since I've stopped consciously dating or being interested in meeting someone new, I've had more men interested than ever. Funny how that works. But I'm having too much fun enjoying my life and my interests. I think I'll leave things just as they are for now.
It's a good thing you have taken a break because if you are not excited about them, how can they be excited about you? It's bad for both parties...never date anyone unless you really want to!! It's a waste of your time and theirs...of course, you can experience that excitement again. But you have to bring the excitement ...not expect it to be brought to you by the man. I believe this happens a lot in online dating when it's such a silly numbers game! The magic is squeezed right outta there!! I think that you will find that once you can find the magic and excitement INSIDE of YOU, it will attract a guy that inspires that to grow! Make the break a fertile one...!
Love is a strange beast: the more you want it, the less it happen! But when you finally give up on finding love, loves comes around finding you!
3 years ago, I had completely given up on finding love. I just want SEX! at least, I get something out of this relationship without having my heart broken yet again. The funny things is that one night affair turn into one week affair, then one week turn into one month, one month turn into one year, and so on and so on.....
We just celeberated our 3 years anniversary of being a couple. I'm hoping to married her next year. Like I say, love strikes you when you least expected.
I know exactly how you feel MsHeartBeat. Been there, done that. Except mine hit me in my mid-20s. After the demise of a 4 1/2 year relationship I decided to take a break after a year of recovery from that one (that's always my policy - if you've dated someone for at least a year you should take a year off to get over it, but that's just me). I was 27 and tired of the BS that guys my age were feeding me. They were either just looking to score or looking or a mommy and I'm not into being someone's ONS or being a grown man's mommy. So I said, "to h*ll with it, I'm concentrating on ME." And you know what. I am happy that I did. Because during that time I did some soul searching and made some decisions about what it was that I really wanted out of a guy. I also finished my college degree and bough a house. I was being purely selfish at that time, but it was a good selfish. Plus, it gave me some free time to be me for a couple of years without the worries that can come with being in a relationship.
What really sucked though, was that all of my friends had managed to go off and get married so I had to do some hunting for single friends. I think if you have those single friends to go out with during this time, then it makes it fun and easier to deal with the moments that you'll run into when you think, "why AM I single???"
Good luck, hon! Look forward to new posts!!!!
Interesting its been only the guys commenting so far, but I fully hear ya. Enjoy the time off! I remember getting tired of the scene and fully enjoying the fact that I could have some "me" time without having to let someone else know.
Hi MsHeartBeat,
I like your post. I hope a woman as intelligent as you are does not give up and I do look forward to your writing here. One of the things I tell my friends who feel the way you do is to demonstrate confidence. Own the room - any room, any place you find yourself, you must own the space. Even if you do not meet someone, you feel better about your self and this leads to confidence. I get great pleasure when I see a confident woman and I think she appreciates the second glance. No it is not a date and since you decided to take a break from the routine, I think you will find excitement in "owning the room". Please let us know how it goes.
