Why It's Better To Marry For Money
Interview: the authors of "Smart Girls Marry Money," say money is more important than love.
While you may know that love usually doesn't come with a guaranteed fairy-tale ending, you probably are still holding out for, or trying to have your marriage live up to, the idea of truly passionate and romantic love. Elizabeth Ford and Daniela Drake, M.D., authors of the new release Smart Girls Marry Money: How Women Have Been Duped Into the Romantic Dream -- And How They're Paying For It, are here to change your mind, or at least tell you why "happily ever after" hasn't quite happened to them. Read: Marrying "Up"
AOL Health: Can you explain the theory that your book is based on—the idea that women will be better off in the long run if they marry for money?
Daniela Drake, M.D.: When we saw [how high] the divorce rate is, we had a couple of questions. Why are people marrying? In our culture, it's pretty clear from the time you're young, you're trained that romantic love is the highest ideal—and the highest concept upon which you can base a marriage. I think that there isn't a person who would say, "Oh, I'm not looking for that." But when we look back historically, this was not the thing that had primacy in developing long-lasting marriages. When we did the history of marriage research, we found that it's really quite a new phenomenon over the last 150 years. And even at that time, when it came into the zeitgeist of the late 1800s—that people should be marrying for these romantic feelings that they have for each other—social commentators at the time were saying, "Well if people marry for love, when they're not in love anymore, they'll leave. The family will be an unstable unit." Even back then, they predicted that the divorce rate would go up to around 50 percent. So there's one piece of the puzzle.
Ford: Smart Girls Marry Money is about being smart—in your individual situation. It's not about us looking back on our lives and saying "Oh, poor me." In my case, I was married for almost 13 years when my husband left. I was surprised, because every person who gets married doesn't think that they will be the one to get divorced. You believe in that enthusiasm of love and the rush of emotions that is the magic of romantic love. That your relationship is going to last forever, that divorce only happens to someone else. And when it does happen, whoever decides, for whatever reason that it's not working out, women are the ones who suffer far more financially after a divorce than men do. They're the ones who have possibly put their career to the side; they're the ones who normally take primary care of the kids … There's a lot of different advice in the book. It's not just the title. It's not the gold-digging book, per se. It's not how to marry for money. It's about being smart in your relationship so that your security doesn't suffer and your happiness doesn't suffer and you choose a mate who will make sense with you financially. Tales Of A Reluctant Trophy Wife
So it's not about gold-digging?
Ford: Our culture accepts that men value women because they're beautiful, because they're young, because they're hot. So why can't it go both ways? No one ever says that a man is a beauty-digger because he wants a beautiful girl. Even though women are in the workforce at record numbers, we're not making the money that men are making. Men are making three times more money over their lifetime than women are. So why isn't it valuable for a beautiful woman to look out for her security at the end of her life? Of women who are alone at retirement age, one in five end up at the poverty level. So we realized, "Whoa, what's a girl to do?"Career And Family: Can We Really Have Both?
Discussion
Money doen't make you happy if you marry for money your asking for trouble. If anything you should be with someone who has the same goals as you and someone who wants to financially stable before getting married or starting a family. In the end you should be happy with the person you're married to, not what they have.
The worst article here. The author obviously has never married for money. If you do, you will realize several disadvantage:
1. In real life, guys who use money to buy women are Fat, Ugly, and Old. No handsome man would ever use money to pickup women, those who do are the Ugly, Old, & Smelly. Take a closer look @that nerdy doctor and slimy lawyers. Ask yourself, would you rather have sex with a fireman instead?
2. When a man buys you, you become his bitch. It is sex on demand & don't you whine about it. You get what you pay for. You didn't become rich, you just descend into a WHORE. The sex with him will be painful, but you better do it because it is your job. If you don't, he'll dump you for another woman.
3. Since you love him for money; he feel no obligation toward you when you grow old: AND YOU WILL GROW OLD. Don't be surprise when he dump you for a younger 24 years old secretary. All is fair in love & war right? Since you married him for the money, why should he commit to you. Love is a 2 way street afterall.
Guys aren't dumb, we're smarter than most women give us credit for. We - guys - don't buy woman, we only LEASE them, with expiration date written in your prenup
The article is politically incorrect for sure but I really like articles like this. As least it warns girls whom are crazy about "firmman".
In high schools here in US, you don't need to read, to study, you only need to build a firm body and become a football player and you get all the girls. Are these guys all been responsible? Our life have been easy here in US so girls don't care about money, or at least money is not a priority.
1. A guy who has money and marry a girl does not mean "buy a women".
A guy who has money may not be very young but not all fat and ugly. They won't be handsome but may be charming.
2. When a older guy live with a young girl, They usually treat her like a princes. They are usually very gentle, caring, and some times they feel humble.
3. When a girl married an older guy and grow older, the man grows even older. Mostly the man is worry about that the girl will dump him.
It all depends. Money is good, old men are not all bad. If you going to date an older man, don't only looking for money, but love too. Also make sure you are not crazy about sex.
This is one of the reasons why I have no desire get married. Money should not be any consideration when it comes to marriage. With this society of BOTH people working - it makes no sense to judge on money. I thought with men and women getting more equal in pay; that love and romance would come back from the dead. In a recent study done by FORBES magazine on the 20 happiest places - NOT ONE was in the US, and I knew that would happen. It seems like places where taxes are higher and people are more equal has the most content people. When money is a factor - it is like 'BEER GOOGLES' and the relationship has a different feel to it. I know several people that have moved out of California here and have found relationships with great women, and as they say 'More passion and better women". From my International Travels - I can see it. I just might end up in Australia or New Zealand next year.
This was partly my point of my rant blog....... does it MATTER if there's a piece of paper between the both of you?! Everyone knows the high cost of divorce, part of why SOME don't marry, but it seems the world caters to married or coupled folks. If you're single then you're a nobody. Agreed that if they DIDN'T want the book based off of the title alone they should have picked a different title. I guess controversy sells books?! Wealth can be lost regardless of gender! Kevin Bacon & Kyra Sedgewick come to mind! People who choose to marry or couple off should have an understanding & have something in mind in case the relationship does go sour! Depending on how bad it is, everyone is going to look out for themselves & their own best interests!
Actually I think the authors have a point that women need men's financial support more than we admit. Most mothers end up making more career sacrifices than men when they have kids. They aren't necessarily staying home, but they often do things like working part-time, choosing a job with a more flexible schedule, or moving to be with their husband. This is on top of choices women make to work in fields that aren't as well-paid in the first place. Men do end up earning a lot more.
I just don't see how the authors get from there to marry money because you might get divorced. Are they planning on big alimony checks? Do they think a guy is less likely to dump you if you marry him for his money? I think they want to be loved.
Anyhow, for the me the bottom line is you're going to be miserable married to a guy if you don't love him.
Oh, barf! The woman's a doctor married to an engineer and she's talking about marrying for money?
And if she doesn't like having her book judged by its title, she should have chosen a different title.
A few problems with marrying for money:
You can always lose it. In our culture, even two-earner couples are often just a paycheck away from serious problems because we borrow so much.
The guy can decide he wants to change careers or drop out of the rat race. He's not going to be too happy if you don't want to support his dreams.
You can't tell who's going to be the big earner when you're young.
