Are you embarrassed to admit how long it's been? Quit your whining and enjoy. Trust us.
Dry spells happen to the best of us. The only difference between you and that chick who says she never has them, is that she’s a fib-teller and you aren’t. So congrats.
Lack of sex can be the result of anything. Perhaps the cruel planets have aligned in such a way that your sexiness has become astrologically veiled. Work is crazy and the thought of putting on lip-gloss and nice underwear just makes you tired.
Or you've decided everyone you found tasty in the past is Satan-spawn and you're doing your vengeful part by not even allowing eye contact by possible suitors, let alone roaming hands. Ick.
Whatever the reason, it doesn't matter. But we're here to tell you: enjoy it. Similar to a bad case of the flu or a never-ending winter, soon the clouds will part, the sun will shine, and you'll be back to dodging phone calls and figuring out creative ways to break it off again. You'll see. Here are some of the ways.
1. Catch up on your reading.
Believe it or not, chasing tail and trying to pin one down distracts from that ever-expanding reading list. All the time you spend absorbed in pre-sex, sex and post-sex activities (and all the wasteful analysis in between) often means a dusty, book-marked novel not touched since flip-flop weather. Unacceptable.
Start pummeling your way through the classics like you once did the Kama Sutra. If you're one of those who can balance work, play and a reading habit to rival an English professor than substitute for something else gone by the wayside.
2. Revise your 'want' list.
Right now there's nobody hot lurking around to make you rethink your staunch views on dating chain-smokers and cat-haters, so it's the perfect time to make a whole new list of rules for your next flame to break. It's inevitable, but right now you can do your best to convince yourself it isn't.
Maybe you will never, ever, ever date someone who has only mastered the text message feature but none of the other functions of a cell phone. Or maybe you won't go on another date with someone who drinks to the point of bed-wetting. Whatever. Go ahead and let it all out.
Who says there isn't a Johnny Depp Doppelganger with an MBA and painting skills to rival Picasso just waiting in your future? Freedom’s just another word for nothing to lose.
3. Go ahead and eat that cookie. Have three.
Why the hell not. Nobody is seeing you naked so order an extra guacamole dip and lustfully triple-dip those tortilla chips. Your granny panties don't judge.
4. Start training for a marathon.
This may sound contradictory to the above, and while it may be on some levels, the point of training for a marathon shouldn't be to look better in shorts. Rather it's to do something nice for yourself and accomplish a goal you've always talked about but never gotten around to. Now is the perfect time.
Oh, and bikini season is rapidly approaching so an added bonus, of course, will be feeling sexy in your swimwear. But never, ever underestimate the confidence boosting power of setting a fitness goal and meeting it. At that point all the physical stuff is just extra.
5. Relish in not worrying about pregnancy.
Enough said. Waltz past those First Response kits and roll your eyes at all the condoms. You have no need for their services, and while your next lay may not be reliable, your period sure as hell is. Yeah, doesn't sound so glamorous.
But just think about all the times where you swore to the heavens above you'd do anything (anything!) just as long as you get it this month.
6. Pour yourself into a long-forgotten hobby.
Think about all the things you loved before adulthood molded you into a viable candidate for a big-person job. Sign up for acting classes, learn to take really good pictures, start your own business from homemade jewelry. Whatever.
7. Spend more time with friends.
Significant others, even if they're casual, can be major time-suckers. Instead of viewing a night out with the girls as a "ugh—another night out drinking beer with the hens" view it as a way to absorb as much lady time as possible.
It won't be too long until they're crabbing at you for spending too much time the flavor of the week, month, season or who knows a lifetime. Who, by the way, will be wowed by your literary prowess, artsy hobbies, marathon running body and healthy cookie and guacamole habit.