Mass. High Schoolers Pull A Juno

By

pregnant teen
Gloucester High School is the home of most of America's pregnant teens.

Remember that movie where the precocious girl had a baby with George Michael from Arrested Development? And she had all sorts of troubles but it really brought everyone closer in the end, except for Alias and Michael Bluth, they got a collaborative divorce. Evidently, some young ladies in Massachusetts thought Juno sounded like fun. So, according to the Time, these 17 girls from Gloucester High School were wicked retarded enough to go into a pregnancy pact.

The 17 pregnant girls are all freshmen and just want some unconditional love. It's true that everybody loves someone pregnant but this was not great thinking. First of all, fitting in a full day of class, cheerleading practice, hitting the mall, and updating your Facebook along the way is almost a fulltime job. Now add in going to Babies R Us to look for 'cute outfits,' dropping the kids off at your grandma's house (and picking them up) then going to Gymboree and you hardly have any time for sleep.

 

The fact is that no matter how dumb these girls are, there were 16 or so teenage boys that were willing to sex them up sans prophylactics. "Don't worry about it, baby, I can't get pregnant if I'm on the bottom and it's 2 weeks after my period. We learned that in Sex Ed, c'mon Sully, just do it already." And the 17th girl was allegedly knocked up by a "24 year-old homeless guy." Not good. We wonder if anyone anywhere has statistics on the odds of relationships that result in teen pregnancies actually 'making it.'

Amazingly, the school of 1,200 (presumably half are girls) students averages about 4 pregnancies per year. This year totally wrecks their stellar 1 out of every 150 girls get pregnant every year average. So, Gloucester High School is that high school where calling another girl 'barren' is fighting words. Noted. Interestingly, the Boston Celtics just won their 17th championship and there are 17 pregnant girls. Is that a coincidence, Bill Simmons?

Also, according to The Superficial, that Jamie Lynn Spears had a baby as a teenager mother recently. Did you know that her dad's name is Jamie? And her mom's name is Lynne. Isn’t that weird and sort of egotistical? We have no idea what Britney Spears' sons' name are but we're willing to bet that she didn't name them Brit-Kevyn or something. Lil' Tater Tot really lucked out.