When is the last time you made out with your spouse? I mean really had a kiss fest? In another of my very informal surveys, I found that most couples (married more than 4-5 years) rarely do more than smooch! You know, that hello-honey, see-you-later-dear, good-night smooch. Come on! Passionate kissing is erotic, sexy, and revs everything up. Don’t you remember?

Close your eyes and remember the first time you kissed your mate. Perhaps your date ended with making out, and sent you to bed anticipating the exhilaration of the next time you kissed. Where will it lead? When will you see him again? Where will he touch you next? I remember thinking, “OH.MY.GOD! This is heaven.” the first time Steve and I kissed. I loved it.

And now, here we have our husbands there, in our bed every night, and many of us are just pecking them on the lips. Why aren’t we taking advantage of this? Why not make out every night and relive over and over again the power of a great kiss? O.K., I agree, every night is a bit much, but you get the drift.

The passionate kiss is anticipation personified. A definition of anticipate is: to feel excited, hopeful, or eager about something that is going to happen. Why on earth wouldn’t we want to feel this way as often as we can?

SO. Here is my first stab at married sex advice. (Reminder: I am not a sex therapist, just an amateur advocate for making it better.)

The excitement and eagerness produced by the passionate kiss can last for minutes or all day long.

Example #1: At the end of the day, start kissing before you get into bed. Literally lock lips and don’t stop while things move to the bed. Kissing with your back to the wall is very sexy. Ask your hubby to cup your cheek when he kisses you (you’ve seen this a million times in the movies), or brush your hair back from your face with his hand, or lift your hair and kiss the back of your neck. Let this romantic kiss build up to the passion-filled kiss (take your time!) which then leads to a heightened everything. (Yes!)

Example #2: Saturday morning, wake him up with kisses. (keeping some sort of breath freshener on your bedside table helps with this – have one yourself and as he wakes up, slip one into his mouth) Make out until you are both delirious with anticipation and stop. Kiss throughout the day – the back of the neck kiss works well for this. With all of the anticipation, when you finally get to bed that night, it could be just like your first time with him but without any of the awkwardness and all of your mutual experience ….what a thrill. (Yes! Yes!)

Of course, skipping the kissing stage (i.e. the quickie) can be fun and exciting, too, but only if it is the exception, not the rule.

The truth is that most of you already know this stuff; I am just here to remind you.

I truly believe kissing can be more intimate than intercourse. While it may be possible to have meaningless sex, I find it hard to think of a meaningless kiss. Maybe I romanticize the kiss.

And maybe not: I would bet that the couples who are still making out after years of marriage are the couples who feel that their intimacy is alive and kicking.

If you haven’t made out with your spouse in awhile, please try it out. Really, couples who are no longer making out are missing out.

This concludes another view from my married life.

p.s. The thought just crossed my mind that this may be a Mid-Western phenomena – I would sure love to hear from those in other parts of the country. Are you still making out with your spouse?