Eddie Van Halen And Valerie Bertinelli Divorce Finalized

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Eddie Van Halen and Valerie Bertinelli

After only seven years of separation, Eddie Van Halen (EVH) and Valerie Bertinelli are officially divorced. Bertinelli filed for divorce about two years ago and the split is just now going through. These two have been married almost since the beginning of Van Halen. The group released their cleverly titled debut, Van Halen, in 1978 and Eddie and Valerie got hitched in 1981.

We wonder if she got sick of waiting for a reunion with David Lee Roth, she married into Van Halen after all, not Van Hagar. It had to be a confusing marriage, though. Van Halen had so many ups and downs that it would later be the inspiration for Oasis and the Jessica Alba-Cash Warren relationship (Is this thing on?).

We’ve always been a little confused about why seemingly sweet girls keep on getting into rock stars. Valerie Bertinelli was one of America’s sweethearts. The same can sort of be said for Heather Locklear. Yeah she was a beeotch on Melrose, but all knew that was acting. Hopefully, this will get Eddie out of ‘his own little world,’ and get Van Halen back rockin’.

Note to readers: the Van Halen page on Wikipedia is closed to editing for new users until the beginning of 2008. We’re guessing that fans of One Life To Live or Touched By An Angel are exacting their revenge on EVH for those tough years on Valerie (not to mention her weight fluctuation).

Note to readers 2: we're reasonably sure that Van Halen is back together (with David Lee Roth) and touring. And we suppose that it would be unreasonable for them all to be California girls.

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  • According to the census, there are 95.9 million unmarried people in the U.S. of which 47% are men and 53% are women.